My parents don’t approve of my boyfriend, but they haven’t even met him yet. How can I bring them together? Your parents are only trying to keep you safe, says our elder. But why not see if there are any chores your boyfriend can do for them?

Dear EWC

So me and my boyfriend have been together for a month now and my parents don’t really support it. They haven’t even met him yet. I told them, “You haven’t even met him so why don’t you just meet him?” They say they just don’t like the idea of him. That he is a junior and that he is a guy. All that jazz. I really want them to meet, but if my parents are being too stubborn about it, I can’t exactly do it. How do I convince them that he is a nice guy? And also, he says that he wants to meet them to show that he is a nice guy. We haven’t even gotten to hang out just the two of us because my parents won’t allow it. I just need them to meet him and learn to trust him.

Grandpa-Bill replies

Your parents are worried about you having sex with a guy and getting pregnant, which they know can drastically change your life and make it harder and kill any dreams you have. They are trying to keep you safe and protect you from getting hurt. Anything you two can do to show you will be safe will help ease their minds. It might help to have a conversation with your boyfriend about your parents’ fears and talk about what you two could do to make your parents feel better about the two of you dating. For example can you date only in the presence of his parents and yours until they get to know him? What can you do to assure them you will protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy and venereal disease? Would he agree to hold off on sex until after marriage? Do his parents like you and can they arrange to have your parents over to their house to meet with them and their son to discuss their concerns?
Is there some chore that your boyfriend can do for your parents at your house so that it will help your parents? You could say that he noticed (or you told him) that something needs fixing or painting and that he offered to come do it. For example you could say he wants to come paint a fence or repair something for them to help them out and then while there they can get to know him. This would be far better than him sitting on a couch smooching with you or watching TV or playing video games. Or perhaps you two can cook dinner for your family. If they see he is a nice kid who treats you well they may be more likely to let you date at your house until they grow to trust him. Then perhaps they will allow you to go to public places like restaurants, movies, coffee shops, etc. and you can call or text them when you arrive and when you leave so they will know where you are at all times. Does he have good grades, does he do any volunteer work or something like that you can describe to your parents? If not at your home are they willing to meet him at a public place for coffee or lunch?
Even if they won’t let him into their house, it wouldn’t hurt for them to see him bring you flowers or something he made for you.

Letter #: 453850
Category: Dating/Relationship