My boyfriend never sees his family. Is that normal?

Well it’s definitely something to keep an eye on, says our elder.

Dear EWC

I have just been to my boyfriend’s uncle’s birthday. All his family was there chatting to each other. He hadn’t seen his cousins, who live twenty minutes away from him, in about six years. I find this odd. He hadn’t seen his uncles in years, and they live in the same town. We left to get food but said we were coming back. Then we found out we were on time for the last bus home so we didn’t go back. I told him to text or Facebook someone so that they would know we had left and not worry about us. He has no one in his family’s number and has none of them on Facebook. I found this very odd. I have been with him for ten years and I am very family-oriented. I don’t want to marry into a family that doesn’t care about each other. My family lives about three or four hours away and I see them at least five times a year. He hasn’t seen his family once in about four years. Is that normal? I don’t get it.

Good-Listener

I have to agree with you. I also find it very odd that your boyfriend has so little contact with his family. As one who, unfortunately, has no family left, I would give anything to have had a sibling or cousins… Family, in my opinion, is incredibly important. I am not sure what to tell you, other than it could be a red flag for the future with your guy. I’m not saying to break up with him, of course not, but it’s one of those things that may need a discussion or clarification if things continue or you start heading towards a permanent relationship. Some families are closer, and some not, but, as I just said, I feel it’s very important. I would keep it mind as things go. Will he object to your spending time with your own family? Are there specific reasons he does not seem to value his relationship with them? I can’t answer that — but I’d do a little searching with regard to the future with him, and if he tries to prevent you from seeing them, or can’t respect how you feel. Just keep it in mind and see what happens. Good luck.

Letter #: 455738
Category: Family