My boyfriend is not supporting me through quarantine — he won’t talk on the phone or Facetime. Should we break up?

He does sound detached, says our elder. Maybe you should let him go.

Dear EWC

Hi, thank you for reading my letter. Ever since the coronavirus has made a huge impact on my area, my relationship with my boyfriend has been straining. For a while now it seems I’m the only one trying to make a commitment to stay in contact. I have asked to talk on the phone and Facetime so we could at least see each other virtually, but he always makes up an excuse or downright rejects me. I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks because of quarantine, or any of my friends/family. Besides this, even our texting is somewhat minimal and does not last even 30 minutes of chit chat. It hurts when he tells me he’s at a friend’s house and hanging out with a group of people, but he can’t make the commitment to talk to his girlfriend. For a while, I have been contemplating if I should break up with him. For me to be there for him and be supportive during this awful global disaster, it downright hurts to not receive the support I need back. If it’s possible to receive any advice for this predicament I am in I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for all the great advice this site has given me. It has greatly helped me through a lot.

Aondreaa replies

As I read your letter, I am struck by your statement that you have been contemplating breaking up with your boyfriend “for a while”. I assume by that you mean that even prior to the coronavirus crisis and enforced separation, you had misgivings about your relationship.
It sounds to me as though your boyfriend has similar feelings. The social distance imposed has provided him with an excuse to detach from you. What does it mean that he is “at a friend’s house hanging out with a group of people”? This sounds like a direct contradiction to the mandates issued by health authorities.
Rather than investing any more energy attempting to get him to participate in a “virtual” relationship, my advice is to let him go. I realize that the pain of a ruptured love relationship on top of the coronavirus stresses may feel like too much to bear. However, expecting emotional support where there is none can only make things worse for you.
It does seem that any sort of external crisis, and the coronavirus certainly is one, can trigger breakups when a relationship already has cracks. This may be your situation. Take a deep breath and prepare to regroup and find the strength to carry on without him. So sorry you have to endure this during the most troubling time.

Letter #: 456687
Category: Dating/Relationship