My divorced parents have started hooking up and now I’m totally confused. Should I speak up?

Absolutely, says our elder. Therapy can definitely help.

Dear EWC

I am 13 with divorced parents. My parents have been divorced for three years and I’ve lived with my mom since then. After two years of being single, my mom has been in two serious relationships and was going to get married to her most recent relationship until they broke it off and obviously she became lonely. It’s 2020 so my mom decided to lose weight and she decided to work out with my dad. It went from working out together as ‘friends’ to my mom sleeping over his house every day and them sleeping in the same bed together.

One day, my mom comes home after sleeping at my dad’s house while she is on the phone with him talking about how they had intercourse, and that same night they were on the phone classifying themselves as ‘sex buddies’ (my dad had a girlfriend at this time). When they were together it was very toxic in the house. They argued every day, my mom would cry, and I was always alone so I was relieved when they announced a divorce and we were happy/at peace with it. Now that they are somewhat back together, I feel so confused, irritated, sad, and I’m starting to feel the way I did four years ago, which is depressed and lonely. Should I confront my parents, stay quiet, or tell my mom I need therapy?

Good-Listener replies

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this confusion regarding your parents. You seem wise beyond your years, and may have a better handle on things, than you think. However, my opinion is that if there is any way you can get some therapy, it would help and be completely appropriate. Anyone in your position would have feelings all over the place.

Getting support from a person not in your family, who is familiar with family situations, could only help, and may even be necessary. If your mom won’t allow you to get therapy, perhaps there’s a trusted adult you could confide in. Being quiet about this may be the worst thing — and you deserve to be heard. Stay strong, and please see if your mom can find you a counselor to speak to. I wish you only the best.

Letter #: 461530
Category: Family