Torn between attending with a boyfriend or a best friend?

Our elder points out that there’s a lot more at stake than relationships when selecting a school.

Dear EWC:

So this is my senior year of high school, and I have a best friend of five years, but I also have a boyfriend of eight months. One is going to one college and one to another. I have been planning to go to the same college as my best friend until things started to change. I have financial problems, family problems, and I found that the college my boyfriend is going to have solutions for me.

My best friend and I have talked about going together for years, but I feel I can’t afford it and she thinks I’m choosing the wrong path. I am totally stuck because I don’t want to hurt anyone, because if I go to the college my friend and I said we would, I probably will be in financial trouble along with more family problems in my eyes, and I will also lose my boyfriend (and I take relationships seriously, like I plan on being with him for years). But if I go to the college with my boyfriend, I get my financial stability and everything, but lose my best friend. I don’t know where to go because I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I’m the type of person who wants everyone to be happy, but I want to be happy too and I forget sometimes. What should I do?

Ketchman replies:

Thank you for contacting us; I’ll try to help. I think there are two main reasons for attending college–to get the education that will help you become a contributing citizen, and to get the training qualifying you to become a self-supporting individual in a fulfilling career. Once you determine which schools will best do that for you, the next step would be to narrow the list down to those you can afford to attend. All other factors, including where your boyfriend or best friend is planning to go, should be much less important.

If the college your BF happens to be going to is one that will give you the education you’re looking for, and will also be affordable; whereas the one your best friend is attending is not, then the former is where you should apply. Trying to get a degree while, at the same time, struggling to pay for it all, imposes a pretty heavy burden that can make it very difficult to complete your degree requirements.

I’m assuming that you’ve already considered a number of other universities before narrowing your choice down to the two schools you’re trying to choose between. If you haven’t done that, you need to. Choosing a college solely on the basis of whether or not a friend or boyfriend will be attending is not a good way to go–especially if you’re bypassing other schools that might offer a better education and be equally, or more, affordable. Your best friend is still going to be your best friend even if you’re not attending the same school. If the relationship you have with your boyfriend is a strong one it too will survive the separation and, if not, better to find out now rather than later.

At this particular moment in your life and for this decision, you need to decide what’s going to be best for you, not what will make others happy. I hope you’ll do that and that I’ve assisted you, in some way, to come to that decision. Please connect with EWC whenever you’d like a bit of advice or another opinion about almost anything you could use some help with or, if you like, to continue this conversation. I, and the rest of us here at EWC, will always do our best for you. Thank you for giving me a chance to help.

Letter #: 457629
Category: Dating/Relationship