We’ve become friends with benefits but I know he’s just using me.

Find out what our elder has to say about this very precarious situation.

Dear EWC:

I’m in a messed up situation right now. One of my best friends is dating this guy I’ll call B. Through their relationship, B. and I have become friends. It’s only natural since he is my best friend’s boyfriend. Well, their relationship is a nasty one. There is no affection or communication at all. Honestly, they shouldn’t be dating.

Several days ago I realized I harbored feelings for B. It’s a cliché, I know, but their relationship has gotten worse. I didn’t edge him into breaking up with her. I just listened and gave him some advice. This past weekend he was talking like he was done with her. That he wanted to break up with her. He has yet to do that. Then to add another player into the game. My BF and I have this friend, Y. B. and Y. started talking as friends. Y has informed me that she has feelings for B. I never told her I fancied him. And I for sure couldn’t say anything now. So I just listened to her and nodded along.

B. has no feelings for Y. but she does for him. And here’s the kicker. Yesterday, B. and I made this “arrangement,” as you might say. It’s a friends-with-benefits ordeal. At the beginning it was just talk and then it got real serious. He is still in a relationship with K. Today was the official day he cheated on her with me.
Yet he won’t end things. I know he is just using me but, every time I talk to him or spend time with him, I can forget that situation. Can you give me any advice?

BG replies:

I can give you some advice, but I fear you’re not going to like my answer. It’s my opinion that you are in a very precarious situation. You have just cheated with your best friend’s boyfriend. Somehow, someway, I feel you need to find a way to stay away from B. until he breaks up with K.. This might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but this kind of relationship will bring nothing but pain and regret.

The risks are high for losing your best friend, the respect of your classmates, your reputation, and your own self-respect. Explain to him that this relationship is impossible at this time. As a matter of fact, it should be impossible for a long time after the break up. It’s my opinion, your primary concern should be for your best friend, K.

I want you to ask yourself, “Where is my sympathy for K., who is about to lose her boyfriend?” When they break up, she’s going to need you more than ever. I also want you to make sure that you and B. never divulge your friends-with-benefits relationship to Katie or anyone else.
I’m sure that’s not what you wanted to hear and you’re always welcome to write again for another elder’s opinion, but I hope these thoughts have helped. If you found these tips helpful, please consider telling your friends and family about us.

Letter #: 416180
Category: Dating/Relationship