Does a long-time crush make me a loser?

Our elder thinks not and has a few suggestions on how to catch his eye—at any age!

Dear EWC:

Hi! So, I have had a crush on this boy at my school for a long time. When I first met him, we were in sixth grade and we were in the same class. After one and a half years, my family decided to move to another country. When I was there, I just felt like something was missing. Anyways, because of the pandemic, we decided to move back to our country and now I am going to the same school, however my crush is in a different class.

Every time I see him I feel butterflies in my stomach. I don’t want to tell my friends or my parents about this because they all think that I don’t have a crush on him anymore, and I don’t want them to make fun of me because of it. I also think that he might also have a crush on me because of the way he acts around me, also because of the fact that his friends literally pushed him towards me last week while laughing. Anyways, recently I heard a rumor that he may have a crush on someone else in his class and that really broke my heart. I honestly do not know what to believe and what not to believe.

Do you have any tips on how I can make him like me back without talking or without looking like a loser? Thanks.

Love, D

Good-Listener replies:

Having a severe crush on someone can be exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. I’ve certainly been there enough times and it isn’t just the emotions of young folks. You can have a crush as long as you’re alive and kicking!
So, what to do. I think you’re doing it right now. I know it’s always hard to discover the boy may have a crush on someone else or even dating someone else, but you guys seem to have a nice rapport and I would just say to keep up whatever you’re doing. You can’t force someone to like you, but you can make a great impression by being yourself because that’s the person he’s attracted to—even if it currently is platonic.

You’re NOT a loser, nor can I imagine from the impression I’m getting of you, that you would ever come off that way. We are attracted to whomever we are attracted to. We’re human, and, as I said, as long as things are working correctly, that will always remain. Be the person you are. I know that it sounds like a cliché, but if you try to be anyone else, that WILL show and it could confuse him and push him away.

Just an aside to this: Sometimes time does strange things. Someone you had a crush on in school, somehow, through crazy circumstances enters your life years later. It’s pretty cool how that can happen. Or, there are times when years later you discover the guy wasn’t “all that” to begin with. In this case, he DOES sound like a good guy and you’ve known him for a while. Just let things continue…and see where they end up. He’s not getting married any time soon (LOL), so you never know where his attention may shift; why not to you?

Again, be his friend, be a little flirty if you choose, but be yourself; that’s absolutely good enough and that’s the person he is comfortable around. By the way, I rarely told friends or family when I had a crush, so that’s up to you. You know how they may react, so if you feel more comfortable keeping it quiet, then do so. I often did that since I too didn’t want to “hear it” (meaning having anyone make fun of me or kid me) from anyone else. Good luck.

Dating/Relationship
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