What to do when you’ve lost yourself trying to please others? It’s not easy, counsels our elder, but taking stock of what’s important is a good start.

Dear EWC:

Hello! I won’t introduce more because I really want some answers. You see, they said self-love is the greatest love. As for me, I have been constantly changing myself just to fit in and to be accepted by everyone. In that process I lost myself.

My true, unique, crazy little self. And I have come to regret that. Now, my goal this year is to find myself again and learn how to love myself and also raise my self-confidence. I am making progress and recently I’ve been realizing some things that I think hinders a lot of things for me. Like I was thinking about some friends that I don’t think really support me for what I really am.

I just want to do the right things for me, to be happy and to be myself but I don’t think they would like it. What should I do?

Sage replies:

You are not alone in your quest. Who am I? What do I like? What is my purpose? What am I to do in life? These are questions that I struggled with for most of my life, and I admit that this journey is not easy.
When you truly know and accept yourself for who you are, you will grow in confidence. You will know what you want, and you will learn to accept your place in the world and the role you play. Here are some tips to help you learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you really are:

1. Acknowledge your strengths. This will help give balance to the work you will do on accepting the parts of yourself that are less valued. Additionally, realizing your strengths may help change your conceptualizations about yourself.

2. Identify your values. Your personal values can have an enormous impact on beliefs, goals, and identity. They are the things you feel are important in your life, and can include things like family, knowledge, kindness, etc. Identifying your values can help you understand who you are and what is most important to you.

3. Define your identity. You must first know who you are in order to love yourself. Athletes who practice self-love tend to have more positive emotions about themselves and think more highly of their own behaviors. Part of loving yourself is truly knowing who you are or creating a personal identity.

4. Think positively about yourself. How you think about yourself affects your feelings and behaviors. Evaluating your identity as positive may help you feel happier about yourself as a whole.

5. Create positive and attainable goals. Focus on fixing what you can change. Having goals and working toward them can increase your happiness with who you are. This way you are progressing toward your ideal self.

6. Be social. Lack of social contact can lead to lack of well-being. Don’t concentrate too much on yourself; get interested in others. Balance your personal and social identity. You can do this by being genuine and honest. Be yourself and don’t put on a false identity.

You are a child of the Universe and the Universe has a unique purpose just for your life. Your life will unfold just as it is supposed to when it is supposed to.

Self-Improvement
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