One’s a roommate. The other’s a boyfriend. She’s in love with both.

Our elder helps sort out this complicated equation.

Dear EWC:

So I’m dating this guy. I’ll call him J. We’ve been dating for a couple months now, and things have been a little rocky lately with him. But there’s also another boy whose name is Z. He is my best friend and I’ve had him for years; over the years we started calling ourselves brother and sister and even introduce each other as that.

For the past couple months me and him have been sleeping together almost every day and he has a girlfriend. Just about every time me and him are done with sleeping together I always feel so gross and dirty. Yet I have no reason why I keep going back to him and I’m so drawn to him. I’m in love with him, yet I spend some nights crying about how much of an idiot I am thinking I could have him, thinking that somehow someday maybe we could be together. But I’m his sister even though we’re not blood. He’s my roommate so I can’t avoid him. I’ll have nowhere to go if I do leave.

Also when me and J. first got together one time before me and Z. we’re about to ya know, He said ‘You’re so cute no wonder you have a boyfriend.’ That right there messed my whole head up. To be honest I love my boyfriend and Z. so much but I love Z. more. I’m tired of crying over someone who is happy and perfectly fine without me.

Yet, my heart aches when he’s not around. I’m hurting and I’m so lost I just want to be happy and not feel gross and wake up happy without a guilty conscience. I need help.

M-Sharon replies:

Right now, Desiree, you are cheating on your boyfriend and Z. is cheating on his girlfriend. Z. doesn’t seem to be troubled by this. Only you are feeling guilty.

I’m guessing that it’s only a matter of time before J. finds out about this. I would suggest you find a way to stop sleeping with Z. There are always ways to find another roommate. If you have separate bedrooms where you are now, put a lock on your door, and insist that this “friends with benefits” relationship is over.

Looking at this long term: How likely is it that Z. would cheat on you, should the opportunity arise? Could you ever really trust him?

Be true to yourself. It will be hard getting over Z., but given time, you will.

You’ll have to evaluate whether you want to continue with J.

It’ll be a lot better when you can stop feeling guilty.

Dating/Relationship 

#464821