Sometimes life can seem overwhelming, admits our elder. But there’s always a reason to greet a new day. Read on for her suggestions on solving rather than settling.

Dear EWC:

I have overcome so much since my original trauma in 1999 that left me with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and a sense of not belonging and agoraphobia. I actually resolved these issues to a certain degree and then my mother died. Then my significant other had a mental breakdown and has now stopped taking care of himself. I have health problems.

Just recently I was released from 3 weeks of bed rest, only to find my house an embarrassment and a disaster. After 4 days of cleaning it’s back to disinfected again. My significant other has been in the psych ward 8 times in 3 years. He stopped taking his meds again and I so badly just want to leave but all my money is wrapped up in this property.

My dad said to leave him and come live with him, which means I’d be caring for my father and still have no one to help me. I’m afraid of hurting my significant other, but he’s already hurting me with his lack of action in changing. Sometimes I think I’d be better off alone and other times… What’s the point of waking up anymore?

Helen replies:

I am truly sorry for all that you have had to overcome, but the point of waking up is that tomorrow is another day and you have no way of knowing what tomorrow may bring!

Based on what you wrote, you have been involved with your significant other for many years. He should know you well by now. He should know that he must take his meds and he cannot rely on you to continuously encourage him to take care of himself. That’s his job. I agree with your Dad. You should leave him. You don’t have to move in with your Dad if that would mean he would then be your responsibility. If he’s managing on his own now, he doesn’t need you to take care of him.

I’d suggest you sit down and talk with your partner when you’re both calm. Let him know, in no uncertain terms, that he will either take care of himself or the two of you will have to part ways. If you don’t want to lose the money you have invested in your property, is it possible for you to stay and have your partner leave? You will need to give this serious consideration and do what’s best for you.

I can only advise you as I have because I don’t know anything more about your issue than what you have written. I hope these thoughts are helpful and that things get better for you. You deserve to be happy. Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve.

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