My online friend says he can’t talk to me for four years when he goes into the Navy.

Perhaps he’s trying to let you down gently, suggests our elder. Give him the gift of friendship and let him go.

 

Dear EWC

I’m 14 I have a lot of friends online and they have been my friends for a long time now. They’re really close to me and I talk to all of them almost every day. I have a really close friend of mine. I call him Moon, he is really close to me, we’re like best friends and all the other stuff that I do with him but we’re not that close yet cause he lives in Greenland and that’s way too far from where I live. He wants to go to the Navy and help his mom. Today he told me that he’s going to the Navy soon and that he won’t be able to talk to me for four years. I’m happy for him but it hurts and I don’t know what to do. He said this is probably the last time we’re gonna talk…

I feel like my whole world is crashing down for some reason. I love him a lot and I don’t want him to go like this but I can’t really do anything about it cause it’s what he wants and it has always been his dream. My relationship with my family isn’t the best and he always helped me with everything – he made me feel like I was actually important. My mom is mentally abusive and he was always there for me. Whenever I said that something happened, he would hop on a call with me and talk to me, make me feel better… I don’t know what to do. Four whole years and he couldn’t even say goodbye properly. It hurts a lot and he’ll probably forget about me. I can’t stop crying and what if something happens to him? I don’t wanna lose him.

 

Paul-Dad replies

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss of friendship. Most of us go through our lives with just a very few dear friends. Losing one is a tragedy and hurts our hearts. It’s OK for you to grieve. I can promise you, though, that you’ll get over this loss. Let Moon fade into a dear memory. You’ll have many more friends and life experiences.

If Moon is going into the Navy, he’s probably at least 18. That’s quite an age difference. Maybe Moon felt that it was time for you to stick to younger friends. Maybe Moon felt that he was being dragged down a bit by your problems at home. People in the Navy can communicate with family and friends via electronic means. Is it possible that he was trying to let you down gently and he’s just ready to move on? Don’t hold it against him. He was there for you when you needed him. And who knows, you may hear from him again. Maybe months or years from now. Give him the ultimate gift of friendship by letting him go his own way for reasons he wishes to remain private.

I’m more concerned about the abuse you mention from your mom. That makes me sad. Is there anything you can do, or anyone in your family that you could confide in that may be able to help you? I’m betting that you have a counselor at your school. School counselors are trained to help with problems at home, as well as school issues. Might you make an appointment and talk to the counselor? They know how to keep student’s problems confidential from teachers and other students. They may be able to help. Think about it. 

Good luck. I can tell that you’re a person of care, intelligence, and potential. I know you’ll get through this tough time to prosper and be a success. 

Article #: 474887

Category: Friendship