My friends and I used to be a trio but now they are leaving me out. 

You’re worth more than this, says our elder. Here’s how to move on.

 

Dear EWC

My friends have been excluding me so much! We used to be a trio but this year they completely excluded me, I tried talking to them, I tried saying I felt left out, and they said they were gonna stop, but they still didn’t, now I feel alone, I feel like I have no one, I was always there for them when they were upset, but when I felt bad, they weren’t there for me. Sometimes I consider still being friends with them, even though they will exclude me and I won’t be happy, I don’t really miss them, I just miss the way they used to be.

 

Good-Listener replies

I’m so sorry your “friends” have behaved in such an inconsiderate and hurtful manner towards you. Sometimes, especially with girls in small groups, these things happen. And it hurts like heck! Here’s the thing. You’ve done what you can to understand what has happened, and they are not answering, and they continue to exclude you. Therefore you have a choice (not an easy one) to make. As you said, you can continue to be “friends” (note, I keep putting the word in quotes, because I don’t believe they are being friends at all) and continue to be hurt and treated disrespectfully, or you can move on. Easier said than done, especially if you see them regularly. I’m not suggesting that you block them, tell anyone off, or anything to lower yourself to their level; it means mentally deciding they are not your friends, being courteous and friendly to them, but not making plans. In other words, expecting nothing from them and behaving nicely, but more as if they are acquaintances.

The hardest thing in the world is to admit that someone or some people don’t care. When we are nice and caring people – it’s not in our nature to just drop someone – and without explanation. That’s why I’m saying they don’t sound like people you can count on for anything, nor should you.

If you decide you want to continue the charade, you can, and then must also accept the feeling of being excluded and left out. If you decide you are worth more as a person (which you are) then you can move away from them and look to hang with people you have more in common with. It means trying to get involved with others whose interests you share, joining an activity group, volunteering, taking a fun class… Doing things you enjoy with others of a similar mind can reap all sorts of benefits and true long lasting friendships – trust me on that! The toxic or uncaring bunch is not worth it. Still, you must do what’s right for you, and if hanging and trying to be a part of their lives is better for you, then that’s what you need to do. Again, that comes with the acceptance of the consequences. But only you can make the right decision. Good luck!

Article #: 475997

Category: Friendship