I think I might but I’m scared to look into it. 

Accept your feelings as they are at this moment, says our elder. Counseling might be helpful if they are bothering you.

 

Dear EWC

Hi! I don’t really know how to explain this much and I’m a hypochondriac so I try to not let myself think of these kinds of things. Anyways I read a post saying that there are different types of gender dysphasia, and I started thinking and considered that I might have a little bit? I don’t know – I could be wrong and I’m kind of scared to look into it to be honest. I’ve always been cool with people referring to me as he/him or they/them and I have moments when I’m uncomfortable in my body but that could just be abuse trauma. Any advice on anything I could do?

 

GranJan replies

I think the best thing you can do is to give yourself permission to have whatever feelings you have, to experience them and accept them as simply where you are at this moment.

It’s not at all unusual for young people (and some older ones, too!) to wonder about gender dysphasia, about whether they are “really” the gender they’ve been assigned, about whether they’re gay or bi or somewhere in between. Especially now, when gender seems to be the topic of choice among adolescents. Indeed, it often seems to me that young folks today think there’s something wrong with them if they don’t worry about their sexuality.

For what it’s worth, I believe that sexual preference and sexual identity form a continuum, with strong identification with our biological gender at one end and strong identification with the opposite gender on the other. Most folks fall toward the “identify with own gender” end, but all of us have some “identify with the other end” as well. 

Back in the dark ages when I was growing into adulthood, it was thought shameful to have any kind of gender dysphasia, to feel any sort of same-sex attraction. There were even books written about “the love that dare not speak its name.” Now it’s just the other way around – everybody talks about gender identification, squabbles about what pronouns to use, all that sort of thing.

If you’ve been physically or sexually abused, it’s even more likely that your emotions around gender and sexuality are somewhat confused.

If the feelings you’re experiencing are truly bothering you, if they are getting in the way of living the kind of life you want to live, you’d probably do well to have a few sessions with a good counselor. Again, if you’re an abuse survivor, counseling is likely to be very helpful.

But if you’re just “wondering” and just a bit “worrying” – relax, and join the rest of us!

Thanks for writing to us, and I hope at least some of what I’ve said will make sense for you. Do write back if and when you feel like it; I’d love to hear from you again and learn how you’re getting on. Stay safe, be well, and good luck!

Article #: 473079

Category: Self-Improvement