I want to come out to my father, but my stepmom is homophobic. 

You have nothing to be ashamed of, says our elder. Talk to your dad.

 

Dear EWC

I want to come out to my father about being part of the LGBTQ+ community but I’m scared. I think he will accept me, but I’m mostly worried he will tell his girlfriend/my stepmom who is homophobic. Should I tell him? Or wait until I move out and get my own place?

 

Lincoln-Parker replies

First, as I am sure you are aware, you have nothing to be ashamed of nor, under any circumstances, should you have to hide your LGBTQ+ community status.

I don’t know the relationship that you have had with your father’s girlfriend/your stepmom, but it sounds like it is your father that you are most concerned about explaining your preferences. If you were my daughter, who I loved very much, I would want to know. I would not want to think that you did not believe enough in me to share this before you left home for good. He has been a part of your life forever, and he may already suspect but has respected your privacy enough to wait until you are ready. Tell him. Dads have a lack of comfort in discussing such things. We leave that up to mom, who, in your case, is not in the picture. That doesn’t mean that we can’t handle it.

Regarding your stepmom. I assume she has not been a part of your life long-term because you still refer to her as his girlfriend. You should discuss with your father how the two of you should deal with telling her. I would hope that he will feel that this is my daughter; I love and accept her preferences, and you should too. On the other hand, he may feel it is better for you if it remains your shared secret until you move out. That might be an agreement that you reach depending on the time you will still live in at home, but it shouldn’t be out of shame, but just why cause any disruption. I would say if it is going to be a long period, address it now. Why let a short-minded individual disrupt your life and your right to live it as you please.

Talk to your dad.

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