I’m so upset by my best friend’s boyfriend that I want to talk to the school principal. Is it worth risking my friendship? 

Yes, says our elder. Nobody should talk to you like that.

 

Dear EWC

I am a part of the popular friend group but I’m not that into it. My best friend in that group is dating this boy I have been friends with since the 4th grade. It wasn’t until this year that he has been body shaming me and offensive comments such as, “You’re the biggest hoe in the school,” “You’re a slut,” and some other ones like that, which I’m not. He has been making me feel very self-conscious and uncomfortable. Today, he asked a lot of boys whether or not the comments he made were true (in front of me) and they all replied yes. I want to talk to my principal or one of my teachers but I am scared that I will risk losing my friendship with my best friend and him. If I tell my best friend (who really cares for him and is very judgy), I am afraid she’ll just laugh it off. I am really not sure how to handle this situation because I want to be kind to everyone, but I have promised myself to never let anyone control my thoughts… or me. Please help me! Thank you so much.

 

Sageworthy replies

Your question is such an important one. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing, and am glad that you reached out to us. The behavior you describe by these boys is completely inappropriate and unacceptable. Anyone would feel awful, by their rude and insensitive comments. I absolutely support your confiding in the principal and/or one of your teachers. No one deserves such treatment, and it must be stopped.

I do understand that after speaking with someone at school about your situation, there may be awkwardness between you and your friends. Sometimes it just has to be that way, to make things right and preserve one’s dignity. Coming forward is the correct thing to do. Your friend may think it is funny. You know that it isn’t. 

In the end, a good and valuable friend would reconsider their words, apologize, and make amends. By stepping forward, you will find out what kind of friends you really have. Yes, you will be making a risky choice, not knowing what the outcome will be. You are kind of between a rock and a hard place.

Being kind to others is certainly a virtue, yet, being true to yourself, and speaking in a forthright manner, does not diminish kindness. If other people are upset by your words, that becomes their problem, not yours.

I have always taught my daughters to be kind…  with a backbone. 

I will be thinking of you; wishing you strength and resolve. You deserve friends that respect your feelings and do not get their kicks by putting people down.

Article #: 453177

Category: Friendship