That’s a great question, says our elder. For me, it all begins with friendship.

Dear EWC

How do you know if you are in love with someone? And how do you get over that person?

Loving-Grandmother replies

What a great and huge question you ask. Thank you for making me think about these two questions. Love has been defined through the ages by poets and writers of all types, and spoken of by philosophers and great thinkers. So, you have lots of resources if you wish to study this question. But, just for me, to share with you, I can tell you what I think love is. Love is caring more about the person than you do about yourself. Love is deeply, truly, wanting what is best for that person. Love is focusing on all the good things about that person and ignoring or understanding their flaws as no one is perfect. Being in love is when both parties feel comfortable, open, caring, sharing, honestly exchanging feelings and not holding back emotions. 

I believe that the most enduring types of love are based on friendship. That person should be your best friend. That person should be your safe harbor, the place you return for comfort, understanding, support, after a long day in the world. Of course, love isn’t always in harmony and our emotions can run high and our interactions may not live up to the standards of true love. But forgiveness is a huge part of it. Forgive your love for not being present and hearing you sometimes. Accept this person’s flaws and inability to always be there for you. Be a good friend to them and the love will outweigh all else.

Getting over someone that you loved is a lot to unpack. Why did the love end? If you aren’t over it, then what can be done to repair the broken love? The minimum you want to hold onto is the close bond and friendship; even if the love is not forever… caring about the other person can continue. If the love is truly over and you need to move on. Do so with honor. Head up. Stay in touch and continue to be a friend to that person, but open up your heart to others and see who else in your network is available and interested in you. Find someone with things in common, someone who makes you laugh and will grow to care about you.

Let us know if any of this advice is helpful to you. Best of luck as you experience this time of learning important life lessons.

Article #: 470052

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