He lied and cheated but I can’t let go. You’re worth more than this, says our elder. 

Be honest with yourself and make a choice.

 

Dear EWC

For the last almost two years I’ve been stuck on this guy I was with for a little over a year. He did send me inappropriate things on Snapchat with another girl. But since then, I’ve been stuck on him. No matter how many times he’s lied to my face or broke my heart. I love him. I can’t say I was the perfect girlfriend because he did find text messages between me and my ex. But I never once physically cheated on him. I loved him; I swear I did. After he found those, I did everything and tried to spend as much time with him so he knew it was just him. I never wanted us to be this way. I always thought we would be perfect. Well, I thought that because he was perfect. He’s the love of my life, he has a huge spot in my heart. He fills that hole that my dad left me, he doesn’t know that though. I swear I love his man more than myself right now, because when he’s around nothing else matters. I still fight and argue with him to this day because I have hope he realizes I’m in love with him more than he understands. I’m so lost. I don’t know how to let go at this point. I’m barely 20.

 

Good-Listener replies

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this unhappiness about the guy in question. I can’t call him a boyfriend because there doesn’t appear to be anything “friendly” about him. You said it yourself, he lies, cheats and treats you with little or no respect. The question is more why you would subject yourself to this kind of abuse and why you insist on putting up with such an unhealthy situation. You call it love, I can’t answer for you, but it appears to be an obsession. Someone who behaves in the manner he does, probably doesn’t love anyone – himself included. I would be totally honest with yourself and your definition of “love”. 

I’m not a therapist, but I would suggest you get some counseling, if at all possible. The reason is, it appears that you think somehow it will change, or somehow, he’ll wake up one morning and it will be different. I feel confident enough in saying, it won’t. So, you must be very honest with yourself and make a choice. Often women will stay with abusive boyfriends or husbands because they don’t feel they are worth more and they would rather have “something”, than nothing. If that’s the case, then you also have to know that the behavior will continue and you will be having this same conversation with yourself and others, over and over, as time goes on. Or, you can decide you are worth being treated with dignity and respect, and move on from him and look for a man who will give you the kindness and understanding you deserve. That’s why I have suggested therapy, to maybe look into the reasons why you would accept this current guy into your life and take the cruelty he directs at you. No one can make the decision for you – it’s a matter of having honesty with yourself and realizing you deserve to be respected and loved. I wish you only good luck. 

Article #: 430838

Category: Dating/Relationship