I’m surrounded by depression and addiction and I’m completely overwhelmed.
Stop trying to solve everyone else’s problems, says our elder, and start to focus on your own life.
Dear EWC
I am very overwhelmed with financial/career issues, family issues, and relationship issues. It feels like everything is caving in on me. I’m surrounded by depression, addiction, and people that say they want my help but turn away when I show up. I feel like I’m constantly getting involved with my family and boyfriend’s problems, then start to feel sad about the situation. I’m not sure if I’m depressed or I’m taking on everybody else’s problems by being around them. It’s really hard because I strongly love these people and want to have fun with them, but I feel like the only time I can have a good time with them is if I’m holding back on my actions, or biting my tongue on a lot of things they say or do. I don’t want to leave them, but at the same time I feel like I need to. My parents’ issues make me feel like my heart hurts. My boyfriend has been through a lot of traumas and I feel like I can’t really talk to him about it. I’ve been having issues with my jobs, getting laid off, having good interviews, then not getting hired b/c I’m over qualified or can’t land a job that I know I can do. I have a lot of skills, trying to build my own business, but need extra income for stability of my bills. I really need help! All this is overwhelming and makes me feel stagnant.
JHart replies
I am so sorry to read of your problems. You have so many things going on right now that are so detrimental to your wellbeing. You are being overwhelmed with concern for other people and their problems. Sometimes you just have to step back and try to think about yourself. You are a very caring person, and that is admirable, but if the people you are caring about drag you down with their problems, it will have a negative impact on you. I am not a professional counselor but I do not think you have a depression problem, but an environmental problem. Negative people generate negativism and will pass it along to anyone who will listen. I am not proposing you close yourself off from the people you love who need you. What I am suggesting is that you be supportive of them without becoming too enmeshed in their problems. Do what you can and let them figure out the rest. For depressed family or friends try to convince them to seek professional help. For those with addiction, get them to go to AA or NA meetings. Drive them yourself if you can, then leave it up to them. Just remember, it is not your responsibility to make someone else happy or to fix what problems they have. You can’t fix it for them, they have to do it themselves.
I don’t know what you are going through with your parents that makes your heart hurt. I can’t give you any advice on what I don’t know, but if it is very serious you may want to try to talk to a professional about it, or see if you can convince them to see someone with you.
I think if you start to isolate yourself a bit from other people’s problems your personal problems regarding your job, etc. will get better. Please don’t give up on your dreams of building your own business. Success takes patience and time, but I know you can do it. Be good to yourself, think positive thoughts, and try not to let others disrupt your chance of success. Sometimes we just have to be a little self-serving.
I wish you the very best, and I will keep you in my thoughts.
Article #: 401576
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