My ex best friend just reconnected with me after a bad breakup. Should I carry on the friendship? 

Cut her some slack, says our elder. But watch out in case it becomes a pattern.

 

Dear EWC

Hi, so me and my best friend had a rough ‘breakup’ about two months ago. We constantly argued over her and this boy she had only talked to for a few months because she would not let herself move on and as much as I hate to say when she entered that relationship, she became a bad friend. So, two months ago we got into another fight about her needing to move on so we ended the friendship. She texted me a month ago about finding a paper with notes we were writing back and forth to each other and I texted back but we didn’t talk more than that. She just texted me tonight about advice on applying to college and what not and we are still texting about an hour later about what’s been going on in our lives. I’m scared to get hurt again and I don’t have any other friends to talk to. I have no idea about what to do anymore because of course I miss my best friend but what if two months wasn’t enough time to grow and mature?

 

Good-Listener replies

I understand (as much as I can) what you’re going through. And, by the way, these types of issues with friends don’t necessarily stop with youth. People do weird things and it’s up to us to adjust and decide what we can put up with, and what we can’t.

Having said that, my opinion is that your friend, or ex-friend (depending on how things end up) is trying to sort of make amends. That’s fine – none of us is perfect, and we all make mistakes and say things we regret. However, it’s just one of those incidents to consider when moving forward. If this is a rare occurrence, and you genuinely like this person, cut her some slack. If this becomes a pattern, then you’ve been forewarned and can expect other incidents to occur.

Here’s an example. I had a friend years ago. I discovered that she really wasn’t a terribly nice person. But I didn’t have many friends either and she was a ton of fun. So, I had to make a decision as to how to go forward. What I decided is that the term “friend” didn’t apply so much as “acquaintance”. I knew she could not be relied upon and would often be inconsiderate, so I limited my time and, if she pulled something, I only had myself to look at. However, she liked to do some of the same things I did, so I kept the “acquaintanceship” (made up word) for the fun we had, and when she moved away, we had little further communication.

What I’m saying is that, it may be that this friendship can be revived and it’s just one of those disagreements people have that they work through. If it becomes a pattern, then decide if she’s worth having in your life. If not, then move on (by the way, I am not a fan of telling people off; that never solves anything). If you can handle her behavior, then understand who she is, and keep the friendship on a level you can handle, knowing she can’t or won’t be the best buddy you wish you had.

As I said, these things go on throughout a lifetime. I’m coming up on 70 and have had disappointments even in the last few years, but the difference is I know how to handle them better. And so will you. Good luck.

Article #: 466413

Category: Friendship