This letter writer is recovering from a bad breakup and has turned to Korean drama for solace. Our elder suggests it’s now time to come out from isolation and maybe try some comedy too.

 

Dear EWC

Hello, I have come to your site after a long time, I have recovered to a great extent in getting out of my breakup with my great help. But even after six months, I am a little upset. I am not able to trust anyone and I don’t want to get married now. It’s hard to trust someone but I’m still trying. I had a lot of health issues after that. I have lost weight, my skin has become bad, I can’t even sleep well. All these things can’t be fixed right now. Talking to people has reduced; meeting friends has reduced. Now I have started watching Korean drama series to reduce stress. But after the breakup, I realized that it is very important for you to love yourself. Because I may have forgotten myself and now I live on my own. But maybe one day everything will be all right when I get a good partner and the past won’t matter to me.

 

M_Markie replies

Initially I think you responded well to this breakup by concentrating on your own needs and looking toward independence.

In my thinking a breakup is like losing a loved one. When we lose family or friends to death, we go through the grieving process. That normally takes some time, and we start to adjust to our loss, remembering the good times and avoiding unpleasantness. We don’t isolate ourselves. We try to restore normality to our lives. To be honest, I feel that six months is too long to go through this process as you have described it. It seems that you are purposely isolating yourself from others for fear that you may experience further hurt in terms of your feelings. I can tell you that I learned that “isolation is a killer.” I believe that you’ve got to get back to normal routines and reestablish relationships with others.

Though I can’t be certain, it may be that part of you is so hurt that you miss this person. Perhaps you are punishing yourself. Perhaps you blame yourself for what happened. I can’t imagine any of that as being natural. I do expect that when and if you meet someone else you may establish a relationship that will result in a life-long partnership. If you isolate yourself it seems to me that you are assuring that will not happen. If you continue to wallow in what appears to me to be self-pity, then you may not treat yourself properly. Mental attitude has a lot to do with physical being.

You are correct. We can’t change the past. We live in the present and we adjust and look toward better things in the future. We keep our faith and hopes alive for a better future. We look to strengthen our abilities and attitude so that we are in the right frame of mind to accept challenges that come our way and overcome everything. I’ve always seen bad things that happen as simply challenges to overcome and when I do, I feel empowered by my ability to weather the storm, so to speak. I don’t dwell on sadness or grief. I don’t ruminate about anything. I reflect on what has happened and then I move on, forgetting the past. I learn from mistakes and draw wisdom from that.

So, I humbly suggest that it is time for you to move on and accept what has happened. I think it is time to avoid judging every existing or new relationship through that lens of despair that you seem to have allowed to envelope your very existence. I like Korean shows myself but try to avoid dramas. I prefer comedy to lighten my day. I highly recommend Kim’s Convenience, if you can access it where you live.

I’m glad you wrote us again at The EWC. Feel free to consult with us anytime for anything that disturbs you. Though we aren’t professional counselors, many of us can often say, “Been there and done that.” 

Article #: 490380

Category: Self-Improvement