I forgot to hang out with him one time and now he just ignores me. Should I keep trying? 

Friendships come and go, says our elder. This one might have run its course.

 

Dear EWC

 

Hey there, I’m 26 years old, and I’m looking for advice regarding my situation. I just found out that my best friend of two years no longer wishes to be my friend because I forgot to hang out with him one week and now I’m feeling pretty sad about it. It happened six months ago and he never confronted me about it nor did he tell me how he felt. But as I tried reaching out to him, he would read my messages and never respond, and no matter which social media I tried reaching out to him on, he always continued to ignore me. I initially thought that something bad happened to him, but now that I found out that he blocked me without me knowing, I feel sad and angry and hurt. I don’t know what to do and how to feel and I am not sure whether or not it would be the best idea to block him on all social media and cut off all ties with him completely. I am hesitant about blocking him permanently, because I have had past dates and friends block me for a year and then end up reconciling with me later down the line, and even though I’m not as close to them as I used to be, I do like being able to make amends with my past ex-relationships. What do you think I should do in this situation? I still read our old messages every now and then and it makes me miss talking to him and video chatting with him. I just feel like this is all really unfair and I’m not sure what to do at this point.

 

Scriber replies

 

It sounds like you’re experiencing what many of us have had to face at some point or another when it comes to handling a friendship that may be over. The circumstances surrounding your friend cutting you off seems sort of strange though. I’m wondering why he didn’t contact you immediately when the two of you were supposed to hang out. 

 

I’ve learned that there are often different kinds of friendships that serve different purposes. For example, you might have certain friends at your workplace. They can help the workday go faster or better. Then there are the friends from childhood or an old neighborhood. They remember how you were back in the day when you spent time together doing things. If you haven’t maintained regular contact with them, it’s sometimes a strain to hold a stimulating conversation when you finally do connect. From what you described in your letter, it sounds like your friendship changed with this person after you forgot that you were supposed to hang out with him that one week. I’m guessing that your friend is very sensitive and may take things very personally. He may have interpreted your forgetting to hang out with him as not looking at the friendship as important and/or as not looking at him as important. He may have thought that you found something else to do that was more interesting. That’s why communication is so important in friendships. If you could rewind back to that time, I’m sure either you or he would touch bases to confirm the plans to hang out. 

 

Have you tried calling him on the phone? Since you haven’t been able to discuss this situation with him through various social media means, why not try sending a letter or card to his house? I’m assuming that you have his home address.  If he doesn’t respond to that kind of contact, then it’s probably time to move on. Although you think of him as your best friend, you’ve only known him for two years. It can often take a long time to really get to know a person by seeing how they respond in all sorts of situations. Perhaps the behavior you are seeing now, cutting off all contact/communication, is the way he responds to disappointment and/or anger. 

If your friendship with this person is to ever be resurrected again, it’s going to take effort and desire from both of you. You can’t force him to want to continue the friendship if he’s not on board with it.

 

In some ways, maintaining a friendship is like taking care of a plant. If you don’t water the plant on a regular basis, it eventually dies. You may be going through a dry spell in this friendship or it may be the end. Some friendships only thrive for a season and others last a lifetime. You’re disappointed and hurt, and rightly so. But the friendship simply may have served its purpose for a certain time and now it may be over. Friends can come and go throughout your life. There will be other friends in the future. 

 

Article #: 489110

Category: Friendship