Choosing college courses has this letter writer all stressed out. 

Have a talk with your parents, says our elder. They don’t always know best.

Dear EWC

I am currently very stressed out from school. I’m currently in Grade 12, a pre-college student. I have not got my choices on what to study in college, my parents and family are rushing me and all of them have their own opinions. My parents asked me to go to do an IT course, and gave me a bunch of their experiences on it. But I like music, I have currently got and passed all music teacher grades outside school and am qualified enough to students music. This means I don’t have to take music courses in college and I don’t have to waste time on it. I can choose another course in college, but here’s comes another problem: I have no choice but to choose IT after my parent’s opinions. My results were hard, I barely got As and this is what the biggest problem is here. Due to all these problems happening recently in my life, I realized I had an anxiety attack; I don’t know how I can tell this to my parents. They like my sister the most, anyways.

Dot replies

Being in 12th grade can be very stressful. It seems like sometimes young people are expected to know exactly what they want to do with their lives at such a young age. I can understand why you are feeling anxious if you don’t feel as though you are doing well or enjoying your IT class. Although you did say you got As which is great. 

It sounds as though you expect yourself to be perfect. I can relate to that as I was very hard on myself when going through school also. I grew up in a very large family and I think I felt as though maybe I would be noticed if I could be “better” than the rest of my siblings. But in the end, I felt like I was never “good enough” for my parents. That feeling is something that I have worked on throughout my life. I’ve decided that I need to be my authentic self and that would be good enough for those that loved me. I think you will find happiness when you find this to be true. I doubt that your parents love your sister more than you. I think for my own children there were times in their lives when they needed more attention and maybe it appeared to their brothers that we favored them at that time. Sometimes it’s hard for parents to see how much their children who are doing well need their attention also. I think by having a serious conversation with them about your wants and needs you can help them appreciate this. 

It’s good that you have given IT classes a try, but now you know that you don’t like them and that it’s causing anxiety for you. If you were my daughter, I would want you to talk with me even if what you told me wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I will share with you an example of that in my own life. Our oldest son got a full scholarship to the local community college through music. He attended for a couple semesters before he told my husband and me that he didn’t feel college was for him. We were disappointed and tried to reason with him. But in the end as hard as that conversation was, it was the right one. I realized that he was being true to himself. I am proud of him for advocating for himself. He found what he loved to do and has been very successful on his own path. So, you see… parents don’t always know best. Only you know what will make you happy and that is accomplished by experimentation and by being somewhat fearless. This is such an exciting time in your life. You will have so many new experiences in the coming years. Don’t be afraid to try new things. It sounds as though your love of music could lead to a part time way to earn money while you go to college. What a great way to explore something you love while helping to pay everyday expenses. 

If you are experiencing anxiety attacks it’s important to share this with your parents. You might also talk with your school counselor to discuss your career choices and/or mental health. You don’t need to suffer alone. Trust your parents to help you through this troubling time. You may want to make an appointment with your family doctor to discuss if there may be a physical cause for your anxiety or to have her refer you to a mental health specialist if she feels that’s appropriate. I think you will feel relieved when you talk with your parents. They love you for who you are. In the end I’m sure they want your happiness and want to help you through whatever you are experiencing. I will be thinking of you and wishing you well. 

Article #: 484995

Category: School