She went behind my back and now I have to do extra work! This letter writer is discovering that work and friendship don’t necessarily mix. Time to walk away, says our elder.

 

Dear EWC

Recently, I left my summer job because I was heading back to college. My best friend K was going through a rough time and had never worked before, so I let her take my position while I was gone. I’ve since returned for winter break, and we’ve been working together again. However, my workplace is downtown which is roughly a two mile walk back and forth, as our light rail is currently down. After my long shift (five days back-to-back, over 12+ miles) I sent her a text stating that, “Hey, I’m not feeling too hot, but I’ll be okay as I begin to rest,” since I would have an entire week until the weekend to rest and recover from so much walking. However, unbeknownst to me, she told this to our manager who is known for being a mean-spirited person (despite being very lazy at work) and who has been aggressive towards the both of us.

Now, in addition to having to work Christmas weekend, I now have to come in on Wednesday. She attempted to justify this by saying that she tried her best to speak with our manager, but could not. However, I cannot help but feel very hurt. If someone told me that they walked over 12+ miles to and from work, I would never imagine immediately going to a manager to discuss the matter behind their back and give them additional work. This is not the first time said friend has severely broken my trust, and I chose to forgive them since we were only high schoolers at the time. However, After this incident I’m not sure if I can keep her in my life anymore. Am I wrong for being upset?

 

Good-Listener replies

I’m sorry you’re in this uncomfortable situation between your job and your “friend”. I think by my putting “friend” in quotes you see where I’m going. First off – kudos to you for your efforts to keep working even after having to walk all that distance. 

Your friend had no business sticking her face into your business and talking to the manager, especially when she knows there is hostility and “issues”. You were kind enough to help her get work while you’re away at school, being thoughtful and kind to her. I don’t like her motives and, no, I wouldn’t trust her. You mentioned in your letter that she had severely broken your trust but you thought it was high school types of pranks. You’re not so far removed from high school, and I think that’s her and not a phase. 

Now, would I tell her off? No: I’m not a big fan of drama as it usually backfires. Just move on from her. Be courteous in your interactions, but try to limit that as much as you can. This doesn’t sound to me like a quality person or one with whom you should be investing time in. Again, the choice is yours, but if you continue your friendship with her it’s ‘buyer beware’, and understand that these types of incidents will likely only continue. You deserve friends who have your best interest in mind, and while no one is perfect and we all make mistakes (sometimes big ones), this is a breach. And if it’s been a pattern, then my best advice is to move on. Good luck.

Article #: 493077
Category: Friendship