I’ve come to terms with my eczema scars, so why can’t my family? 

Our elder suggests some scripts for dealing with hurtful comments.

 

Dear EWC

Hello, Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. I grew up with severe eczema for most of my childhood. It left scars all over my face and body, which greatly impacted my life. I was bullied a lot for it by strangers, friends, and my family, specifically my parents. I’m friends with other girls who care a lot about their looks and they put on makeup. I was influenced by them and found concealer to cover my eczema scars and for a short while I felt normal. But people around me started to notice the concealer and concluded I use makeup to hide my eczema. I’m a bit bummed out because I felt comfortable with my skin after years of suffering from it. I want to live the rest of my youth being comfortable with myself but it’s difficult when my own family treats me like my skin is disgusting. 

How can I learn to love my flaws when many people in my life make it hard to? If it were friends making fun of my skin it could be easy to end the friendships, but it’s my parents that hurt me mostly, specifically my mom. I’ve also talked to my parents’ countless times about how their words make me feel but they gaslight me into saying that they’re looking out for me, and then later call me hurtful names if they see my bare face or arms. I don’t know what to do but I definitely plan on seeing a therapist about this. Any opinions or thoughts you have would help. Thank you.

 

BES replies

I am so sorry that you feel your parents are included in the bullying you are suffering and are adding to your hurt. I completely agree that you will benefit from counseling. Do you have a source that will pay for it? Many times, schools can provide counseling services or can refer you to low-cost counseling.

Since you still live at home, you will need to learn how to deal with your parents’ words and comments. I know you already have to the best of your ability. Have you ever come out and said, “Why would you say that to me?” instead of saying how hurt you feel which obviously is not working. By doing this, it is putting it back on them to explain themselves.

I’m sure you know that there are medications and treatments for eczema. I truly do not know at what age they can be prescribed or their cost. Do you know if your family has insurance for you or have you tried any treatments already?

It sounds like you have pretty much come to terms with accepting yourself among your friends which is wonderful. If you continue to get insulting comments from your parents, is there any way you can discuss this with a school counselor, relative or clergy person? Your parents need to learn how to give helpful comments or refrain from comments altogether.

I hope this was helpful. Please feel free to write back and let me know how you are doing.

Article #: 493656
Category: School