It’s destroyed all my self-confidence.
It’s natural to feel sad, says our elder, but recognize that you deserve better. Chalk it up to experience, and move on.
Dear EWC
I don’t know what to do. I am frustrated, sad, angry, just not feeling great. Me and my best friend have been friends for about a year. We didn’t really meet the way regular friends do. Usually there is some sort of connection a person has with their best friend. We don’t really have that type of connection. We became friends when she had a disagreement with her friends and she kept following me around. I decided to give her a shoulder to cry on by being a true friend to her. We became friends after that. I really don’t know what exactly I did wrong. I was always there for her when she needed me. when her friends left her, I was there. I was always there for her. Then one day she just gave me a cold shoulder. The days when I needed her the most, the days when I dreaded going to school, the days when everybody ignored me, the days that I felt worthless, she was never there. I had to build myself back up after she abandoned me. She finally came back and because I was so sad, I blindly forgave her. Well, she is doing it again. She doesn’t talk to me and even when I try starting a conversation with her, she just gives me two-word answers. It really hurts. It hurts badly. She has taken so much life out of me and I gave it to her. Now I just feel low because she has stripped me of my confidence. I just wish I never decided to be her friend.
Grandpa-Matt replies
It is natural to experience sadness, anger, and frustration when someone violates the reciprocity one expects from a “best friend.” Reciprocity in a relationship is the mutual exchange of energy and support between them. There are different types of reciprocity: Generalized reciprocity is giving without expecting a specific outcome, and balanced reciprocity is an equal give-and-take between the people involved.
This friend wanted support without offering you any mutual assistance with any issues that were challenging for you. Blindly forgiving her was an error arising because of your neediness and not because she desires your forgiveness. Please understand that your confidence has nothing to do with her attitude or behavior toward you!
If she is the toxic kind of person to trust and put your faith in her, chalk it up to your learning. Be ready to move on and realize that you are the better person who deserves equal treatment. Yes, the lessons are painful, but when you get into a serious relationship, you will know what to look for and avoid as you go through life.
I hope this is valuable advice. Please write back and let me know how you are getting along.
Article #: 500003
Category: Friendship