“I was planning an outing with a friend, then they went without me and never called.”
Our Elder says: “You cannot control other people’s behavior, and friends are bound to  disappoint you from time to time.” 

Dear EWC,

Hi, my name is Zackary. I am twenty years old. Recently, I’ve noticed that I am very compulsive. For instance, I’ve had an issue with a friend of mine. We argued about organizing a gathering, and my friend decided to attend the venue without letting me know that he would be there earlier than expected, and with other friends that initially weren’t in our plan. I waited for his phone call throughout the night, but he never called, wasting my time. Immediately after our argument, I was furious and wanted to remove that friend from my life. This is not the first time I have acted impulsively. My friend constantly seems to be inconsiderate of my time. Time is not something we have in abundance. How do I stop being so compulsive about getting rid of friends who have wasted my time?

Paul-Dad Response

Thanks for writing to us, Zackary. I don’t know much about you, and I can’t say whether you are “compulsive”, but I’ll pass on some tips that I hope will be helpful. 

It sounds like your friend treated you in a manner that was very unkind. He met with a group of mutual friends earlier than you expected, and further, they were people that you thought weren’t going to be invited. I can’t untangle this, but could it be that the argument that you had with him resulted in him retaliating in a cruel manner? 

Zackary, I don’t think it will be worthwhile for you to discuss or pursue this incident with him. You’re not going to get an apology or an explanation that gives you peace. I advise you to chalk it up as a bad series of arguments and unkind actions. Whether you should remain friends with this person is something you must decide for yourself. Good friends are all too rare and valuable in our lives, but you must decide whether this friendship is worth saving.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my long life, it’s that we can’t control other people. We can advise, teach, scold, love, train, ignore, or fight them, but we can’t control them. You will never understand why other people in your life do some of the things they do. Get used to it. Friends will come and go. Work to be your best self in terms of education, work, health, grooming, and friendliness. The rest will fall into place in the manner and time that is meant to be. 

Best Regards,

Paul-Dad

Article #: 479067
Category: Self-Improvement