“He broke off our relationship after just two weeks, I need to know if we are really done.”

Our Elder Says: You don’t need him to tell you that it is over; based on his behavior, you already know how he feels. It might be time for you to emotionally detach.

 

Dear EWC,

I was in a ‘situationship’ that lasted for two weeks, then he broke it off. He said that he does not feel like he wants to commit, that it is too soon (since we met our first week of college), and that he feels we should not date right now. It was very abrupt.  

When it started, he said that he did not want this to be just a fling, and that we could be on good terms, but then my friend talked to me and turns out he started talking to another girl the day after. Then, that same night I saw him sitting with yet another girl, and I gave him a look. He said to me that what I did made her uncomfortable and I felt so bad about myself that I apologized to her. Ever since then, it hasn’t been the same. We occasionally speak to each other, but the interaction is only a few seconds long. 

But something happened in between. I kissed my good guy friend four days ago, and I was talking about it with my three friends, two of which I met through him. I felt like someone was eavesdropping on our conversation, and the next day he looked at me and completely disregarded me, and I broke down. I’m so tired of letting this affect me, but I also do not know whether I’m the asshole or not. He talked to several other girls after we split, but I kissed only one boy. I feel like he disregarded everything he established, and I really want to talk to him about it. I feel like I’m stuck in a gray area and I need him to tell me he’s done. 

Should I talk to him about the whole thing or am I the asshole?

 

Sageworthy Response

Caroline,

First, you are not an asshole. It is possible that this person is giving you mixed messages, and that he may be difficult to figure out. It sounds like you might be feeling hurt over this situation; I am sorry for any pain you might be experiencing.

This may be hard to hear; but I think he really has already told you, through his words and behavior, that he is not interested. It might be time for you to emotionally detach from him. I don’t think you need HIM to tell you anything. You, and only you, are in charge of your emotions and your actions. I am wondering if there would just be more frustration for you if you tried to talk to him. 

Know that you deserve better than this. Someone who clearly wants to be with you, and only you, would make a much better partner.

Again, I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. Giving someone a look that makes them feel uncomfortable might be an emotion they have to deal with on their own. Perhaps they have thin skin…. not your problem. Besides, you apologized, and took some responsibility. I think that was very mature of you to do. As far as you kissing your friend? You are not married, engaged, or in a committed relationship—meaning you don’t owe loyalty to any guy.

Caroline, I hope you choose to move on from this. The college years can be a minefield regarding relationships. I well remember many hurts and disappointments. It stinks when it happens. It really does.

I wish you a future that includes many meaningful and satisfying relationships. Please take good care of yourself. Try to connect with people who support and care about you.

Feel free to write us again, and to share our website with others.

Best Regards,

Sageworthy

Article #: 500001
Category: Dating/Relationship