Living with my boyfriends has never worked out before, but this one is different…

He sounds like a keeper, agrees our elder.

Dear EWC

I am a 24 year old medical laboratory technologist student in my second year of school. I have been dating my current boyfriend for roughly a year now which isn’t much time but it’s the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. I have a very bad pattern of dating guys that are semi/fully abusive and because of that sometimes I feel unloveable. My current boyfriend is 28 years old; he is a head chef at a restaurant and he is a dad of two kids. He is an awesome dad and he always puts his kids first. When I say I am in a healthy relationship I mean we can express our feelings openly, we have friendships outside our relationship, and I feel safe with him.

Currently my landlord has raised my rent and unfortunately because of the current economy I can no longer afford to live in my apartment. My boyfriend’s roommate is moving away and he has asked me to move in with him. We have talked about living together after I am done school but I didn’t think I’d be in the position to have to leave my current apartment. He works long hours so I know that living with him won’t affect my education. I am worried because every time I moved in with a boyfriend we broke up. My boyfriends is very serious about this relationship and has even introduced his daughter to my family. He is constantly reassuring me that this isn’t like my other relationships. He is very different from the men I use to date and has his life together. Thank you for your time.

Lawry replies

I would be happy to answer your letter. I can tell from what you have shared that you have carefully thought through this situation.

The fact that this man works long hours that wouldn’t interfere with your schooling and studying is a plus, so I don’t see that as a factor in your decision other than being a positive.

It sounds like this guy is truly different from the men you have dated in the past. How he treats his daughter tells you a lot about him. He sounds like a keeper to me. From what you have said, I see no reason not to believe him. I don’t think he is like the others. If you are struggling with this decision I would suggest you try a tool that I have used many times when I needed to make an important decision and that is to make a list of pros and cons. I have always been very happy with the results. If the results are close then you can put a weight on each response. For instance, if one of your points was that you have a place to live that might get a 10 in the pro column and 0 in the con column.

I think moving in with this guy would be wonderful. I would just go with the flow and don’t overanalyze the situation with him. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. It sounds like he truly cares about you and wants you to be a part of his and his daughter’s lives.
I hope that this has been helpful to you, and I wish you a great deal of luck as you make your decision about moving in with him. Think positive. I am a great believer in that.

I would love to hear how things work out for you. I’ll be thinking of you.

Letter #: 428370
Category: Dating/Relationship