My roommate moved out because I told her we could never be a couple — and now she’s ranting about our “break-up” all over social media!

Honor your feelings, says our elder. You might not recapture your friendship but you did the right thing.

Dear EWC

I had to tell a good friend she had to leave my apartment and find her own place. She thinks there’s a chance at us being romantically involved, but it’s never gonna happen. We’ve been friends for two years and she still can’t come to terms with the fact that we’ll never be a couple. She’s taken to social media and really let loose with concerning, often disturbing posts about our “break-up.” I’ve lost a very dear friend and I miss her. I have a very difficult time standing up for myself and this whole experience has made me feel like I’m powerless; like even when I stand up for myself it backfires and I end up feeling terrible.

Sannie replies

I think you need to pat yourself on the back for speaking the truth and following it up with action. Of course, you are feeling terrible. As you said, you have lost a dear friend — the passing of that relationship should be mourned.

You cannot control your friend’s words or actions; you can only control your own. Please do not reply or comment to anything you are reading on social media. Unfortunately, she is going to sound and look foolish, but you cannot control that. Just ignore it. Don’t try to explain or offer excuses in public — it rarely works out the way you hope it will.

Perhaps one day she can put this behind her and you can go back to being friends. However, my guess is that won’t happen. It is very difficult for anyone to take a step backward in a relationship, whether real or imagined.

You need to commend yourself on recognizing how you feel, honoring those feelings, and then acting in a manner that is truthful (admitting to your friend that you will never feel romantically toward her). That’s called maturity and honesty. Hopefully, you conveyed those feelings with respect and kindness.

Feel free to contact the elders at the Elder Wisdom Circle at any time.

Letter #: 401775
Category: Friendship