There’s a new boy in her friendship group and he’s straight-up rude and offensive.

Our elder has some advice on how to stop the body-shaming.

Dear EWC

Hi! I am one of the only two girls in my friend group at school. This year we got a new kid and he started hanging out with us. He says very crass and inappropriate things, and he always thinks of things in a dirty way. I’m fine with some coarse humor, but he is very excessive. That’s not the only problem. He also says things that are straight-up rude and offensive. He has called me a hoe and a slut (I’m neither of these things), and he has called my friend (who is so sweet and deserves nothing of what he says) a douche. He has asked me vulgar and socially unacceptable questions (if I watch porn, etc.) and said some completely inappropriate things to and about me. He body shames girls (saying they are fat, have small breasts, etc.) and treats them as objects. The worst part is that whenever he says something like that and I call him out on it he gets offended and says ‘’it’s just a joke’’. Me as well as many other girls have notified administration about his behavior, but all they do is talk to him. He is the only person on this earth that I truly hate. I’m not sure how to handle this situation because I want to be kind, but he is really testing my patience. Please help me. Thank you so much!

Elder June-Bug replies

Name calling, body shaming, and offensive comments are never okay. You were absolutely right to notify administration about this guy’s inappropriate behavior. He is creating a hostile environment and they need to know about it. What do the other guys in the group say? They may laugh at his “jokes” but I’m sure they feel uncomfortable. You might try getting their support to let him know as a group that his behavior is out of bounds.

We teach people how to treat us. Keep standing up for yourself and calling him out on his behavior. Tell him you won’t hang out with him if he doesn’t stop. Then stick to your word. Be matter of fact about it. You have every right to set a boundary around what is acceptable to you. If he chooses to cross that boundary, then he doesn’t respect you and you need to remove yourself from the situation. If the group doesn’t support you, then I suggest you find a new group of friends. You need friends who will support you. If they stand by and allow him to verbally offend and abuse you, they are not truly your friends.

And don’t shy from going back to the administration. Tell them some other action besides talking to him is warranted or they will have a sexual harassment/bullying situation to deal with.

Good luck!

Reference 416619

Friendship