My husband’s friend keeps hitting him up for money when I am not around. How can I make this stop, asks a letter writer.

Our elder advises getting some professional help, fast.

Dear EWC

I am newly married. I have noticed recently just how bad my husband’s best friend uses him. I have known my husband about three years now. He is the most gentle and kind man I have ever met. In the past three years I have witnessed my husband loaning over $5,000 here and there to his friend. Buying his food when eating out, paying for his drinks at the bar, spending money buying things for his friend’s boat. I could go on. His friend has never paid him back anything.

About a year ago, I pointed out to my then fiancé that he only owns a car and that his friend makes twice the amount of money that he does and that his friend has a car, big truck, boat and a house full of stuff. My husband has always lived with his parents before he moved in with me. My husband has just started thinking more about all this. I can tell it’s really bothering him and hurts him. But I am not sure what to do about it. His friend bought a new car about two months ago and bought a house about a month ago. His best friend was recently trying to buy a new truck and called my husband wanting him to co-sign for it. I said no way. I am not sure what to do or say here. They have known each other since the age of twelve. I am not the angry or jealous wife. I do not have a problem with my husband going out with his friends without me. But when he does this, his best friend always hits him up for money when I am not around. We have to live ourselves and have our own bills to pay. What can I do?

Dayle replies

Money is always a big in marriage, and this is a tough subject to handle by the two of you. He has his own ideas about how it is OK to spend and lend, and you obviously were brought up differently about this. The best for the two of you is to see a marriage counselor who is very good about helping people with finances. That person will be a neutral voice in the discussion and should be able to help the two of you come to agreement on both the spending and lending, and getting paid back, issues. If you can’t find someone like this, there are certified financial counselors who can work with the two of you on all your money issues, including budgeting and perhaps, investing, if not now, later. However, if there are still issues you and he argue over, the financial counselor would not be able to help with those.

Please don’t wait to see a professional counselor. It is important that, with your different ideas about money, the two of you don’t try to solve this alone. Keep this new marriage, new and fresh with as much help as possible.

Reference 424974
Category: marriage