Can she really be dumping me because I can’t go to a concert?

Maybe she’s jealous, say our elders.

Dear EWC

I only have one person I consider my friend, my best friend. Friendship has always been important to me so I don’t call just anyone my friend. Everyone else is an acquaintance, co-worker, cousin, etc. Anyways, my best friend and I have known each other since first grade. We both are 23 years old now. She graduated last year and I am graduating this Saturday, finally, and was offered a position with great pay and everything so I’m considering taking the position. When I was offered the position, she was the first person I called to let her know of the good news.

However, I don’t know if she was happy for me or not. Now, let me tell you a little of why I think she’s a little disappointed. So during Christmas my best friend bought me tickets to a concert in July. If I accept this position, I would not be able to attend this concert. I let her know. She told me she would be disappointed if I couldn’t go. I would be starting in the middle of June so I would only be one month into the new job so asking them for a day off in July wouldn’t look so good. She hasn’t been talking to me or texting me back since I told her. I did not think this would be such an issue. I don’t understand why it’s such an issue. When I found out she bought these tickets, I told her then that I may not be able to go since I may find a job by then. So I thought we were prepared for this situation. I guess not.

Now I’m stuck between whether or not I should officially accept this position or pass it to go to this concert with my best friend. Maybe I’m just confused or there’s another issue that’s bothering her, which is why I wanted to meet up with her and talk about this instead of texting over this but when I offered to meet up, she hasn’t replied back. I don’t know why, but I’m just a little frustrated. I thought, out of everyone I know, she’d understand and be happy for me at least. I found a job before graduation that offers great pay. But instead, we are going through this disagreement. What should I do? What can I do in this situation? Please give me some advice on what to do in this situation. Did I really just lose the only person I consider my friend, my best friend?

Beacons-of-light replies

We are a group of seniors living in a retirement community and we are glad that you wrote to Elder Wisdom Circle. Congratulations of successfully completing school and finding a job! That is fantastic news and we are sorry that your friend isn’t celebrating with you right now.

Very often, especially younger people, have a hard time putting other people and their successes first. It is human nature to be upset or disappointed when we don’t get something we want or have been looking forward too. We think you need to reach out again and try to get her to talk about what’s going on. If she truly is your best friend we believe that she will come around. Let her know again that you’re sorry that your new job interferes with the concert but you can’t turn down a job for one concert. You need to think about your future and a good job right out of college doesn’t happen for everyone. Perhaps she is a little jealous of your good fortune? Of course we are just speculating but it is food for thought.

One suggestion that we have is when you accept the job offer, explain that you have a pre-planned event that you would hate to miss. Most companies will honor those when they are notified prior to hire. You probably wouldn’t qualify for paid time off but it would be understood that you would miss the day without pay. Or you could offer to work an extra shift or a different day of the week. It is not uncommon for a prospective employee to have plans that they can’t change, and many times employers are understanding. If not, at least you can say that you tried. And for what it is worth we think that taking the job offer is the right thing to do.

As far as your friend goes, we think that you can offer to pay for the ticket. Although it was a gift, it might be a peace offering. We know that isn’t what this is about but it might open the lines of communication. Growing up is hard and being an adult doesn’t just happen overnight. This might be one of the first doses of “adulthood” that your friend has had to encounter and she isn’t handling it very well.

You need to be proud of yourself and excited about your future! Hopefully your friend will come around but if not, perhaps the season of your friendship has passed. We all agree that people come into our lives for reasons and seasons. Don’t be disheartened; keep doing what you’re doing and things will work out one way or another. We are wishing you the best of luck now and always.

Reference 422429
Category: friendship