A letter writer’s uncle started messaging her, and then it all got uncomfortable. Should she tell her family?

Our elder has some sage advice.

Dear EWC

Recently my uncle started to chat to me. We never chatted before. I would occasionally send him a funny video or I would send him a message to wish his daughter a happy birthday each year and that’s it. He lives in a different region. He started off by telling me that he is half family… I never knew this but my mother actually recently told me this. I am 28 years old so for a long while I did not know this but he doesn’t know that my mother told me this, and I was quite shocked because I would have never thought that he would tell me this.

Anyway he started making comments about how we aren’t actually family and that he wants to tell me something but I cannot tell anyone. He then told me that he thinks I am hot/sexy and that if we weren’t family he would have told me along time ago… and that he has always liked me. I did not respond directly to what he was saying and made jokes to get off the subject. I am soooo shocked. He is the last person in my mind that will say or do something like this. He is married and has a kid. I am engaged, together for 10 years. Do you think I should tell my fiancé? I only spoke to my closest friend about this. Should I tell my uncle to get a life and leave me alone or should I just ignore him? I can’t see this as being a joke as the part were he told me about he is half family is something that only family will know. I will most definitely not tell my family about this I think it’s disgusting and embarrassing. Please help.

JanLynn replies

I’m sorry to hear how your uncle has treated you with his comments. These are my recommendations regarding what he said:

1. Yes, tell him to leave you alone. You don’t have to tell him to get a life, but I believe you should tell him he’s not to contact you at all. It sounds like ignoring him won’t work because he’ll just continue saying this nonsense.

2. Yes, tell your fiancé. Couples who are about to get married must share what’s happening in their lives. To keep something like that will make you uncomfortable and you could start to act differently around and toward your fiancé. That wouldn’t be good.

Whether you tell your family is up to you. However, if your uncle continues to contact you, then I think you should tell your family. That might be the only way you will be able to stop it. But, as I said, it’s up to you and we all must do what makes ourselves comfortable, where we’re honest and doing what’s best for all those involved.

One more thing: If it’s a joke, that tells even more about him. It’s a terrible joke, a practical joke, that isn’t received well. He should know that. The farther you are away from him the better, don’t you agree?

I hope a few of my thoughts will be helpful for you. Good luck and take good care of yourself.

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Category: family