Was it wrong to ask my sister not to bring her pit bull for Thanksgiving dinner?

Absolutely not, says our elder

Dear EWC

I invited my sister and her grown kids to Thanksgiving dinner. My nephew has a pit bull dog, which he rescued about a year ago. We met it for the first time at my son’s house on Fourth of July. He told us about how the dog once killed another dog. My son has a puppy and after hearing about the story, was terrified to let the puppy near the pit bull. They had to keep their puppy crated and away from the dog and the people because of this. So for Thanksgiving, I asked my nephew if he could not bring his dog because we were afraid of it and what might happen if the puppy got near the dog. My sister said that he could not leave the dog at home because he has made so much progress with the rescuing process, that kenneling or crating the dog would set it back. She suggested that we take turns separating the dogs and letting them be with the people. After going back and forth, we decided that it wouldn’t work because the puppy would be barking if separated and the pit bull would be anxious if separated from the people. So, they aren’t coming for Thanksgiving Dinner because of this. My sister is now not speaking to me and won’t return texts. Am I being unreasonable for asking that they not bring the dog?

Tutu-Debbie replies

I can speak to this issue, because I am constantly having a problem with wanting to visit my relatives who have dogs. Fortunately, I know I cannot impose my dogs on them, and they know they cannot bring their dogs here. In my case, I have the dog who can fight with other dogs and probably will. Since I live in a place where I have not yet found a dog-sitter, I will have to board mine if I go away for a trip.

Therein lies the answer. If a person’s dogs are more important to them than a holiday with family, they should stay home. They shouldn’t be mad about it however. You don’t want your dog to be left out whining while they humor theirs. Maybe by next Thanksgiving they will feel comfortable crating their dog for dinner.

In the meantime, all I can suggest is a letter asking why she is mad. Did you say something during this back and forth that offended her greatly? If so, tell her you would apologize if you two could discuss it. If not, ask her to try to figure out why she is mad at you, when she made the commitment to rescue this dog. However this turns out, you were not unreasonable not to invite her dog!

Good luck!

Letter #: 414467
Category: Family