I’ve been with my partner for eight years, but he never posts about me on Facebook.

Our elder thinks this is about more than social media…

Dear EWC

I have been in an eight-year relationship on and off. We now have a one-year-old son together (I have two children (eight and sixteen) from a previous relationship). We all live together now. This might seem petty but it’s weird to me that out of the whole eight years he has only posted a picture of me once on Facebook, which was right before I got pregnant. He also has Instagram and I’m nowhere on it but he barely posts on there. He never likes or comments on anything I post. He barely posts on Facebook but he is actively on it because he likes and wishes people happy birthday. He hasn’t even posted a picture of our son, nor mentioned anything about him. He recently posted a picture of his car with a flat tire complaining about waiting too long for towing service (he can post something dumb like that but nothing about me or his child?). I honestly think it’s because he is still friends with his ex-wife’s friends/family and their mutual friends. During the eight years, we have been together he was married but was also separated and the divorce was finalized two years ago. I asked him why he never likes or posts pictures of me or us together, he says it’s because we live together and he sees me every day. That’s BS because he likes his assistant’s pictures on Facebook and he sees her every day at the office. His family knows we’re together and have a child but he acts like he’s scared to finally come out and let everybody else know. He also says he’s private and doesn’t want to expose his child on the internet and that as long as his parents know that’s all that matters. It’s BS to me because he posted a picture of his niece when she was born.

I don’t know what it is but it makes me sad and upset because I don’t think it’s normal. I see people in relationships express their love for one another on social media all the time. I’m not saying he has to post every picture of us and send kiss face emojis on my wall but just at least post something about us or his son once in a while or wish me a happy birthday on Facebook or something. I used to post things about him a few years ago (never tagged him in anything out of respect for the divorce process and he never asked me not to, I just didn’t) but I stopped because he doesn’t post anything about me. Any time I bring this up to him he says I am being petty and Facebook doesn’t mean anything. One more thing, I am friends with his aunt and cousin on Facebook. I noticed that she sometimes post videos or other things and tags him, his ex-wife and other family members but not me. I also sometimes snoop on his other family member’s pages and they also still tag his ex-wife in photos. It just hurts because I don’t deserve this, I didn’t break them up. Anyway, I was thinking of posting a picture of our son and tagging him in it. What do you think about all of this?

Renee replies

I can understand how this situation upsets you. Social media is huge in people’s lives nowadays, and some people spend entire days doing little else but being on social media sites. That said, here is the bottom line: Social media is not life. It can be beneficial in many ways, but it can also get in the way of real life. And it is often more about what people want their lives to be rather than what their lives are.

Please take a step back from all this and consider this: The foundation of any healthy relationship is trust, shared values, and solid communication. Do you have this? Be honest with yourself. This isn’t about social media. This is about your relationship. If you didn’t own a computer or a cell phone and had never seen Facebook, how would you feel about your relationship?

If your relationship is lacking, it’s time to sit down with your partner and get clear to him that areas of the relationship aren’t working for you. Then tell him what would work. This isn’t about making him wrong. This is about telling him what works for you. The two of you need to do this together. And again, this has nothing to do with social media.

You are a smart, loving, caring, and strong woman. Take a stand for yourself and for your children. You deserve a healthy, supportive relationship.

Letter #: 409564
Category: Dating/Relationship