I want to get married to a woman I met online, but she keeps asking me for money. Should I continue with this relationship?
Don’t fall for her bullsh*%t, says our elder. Block her now!
Dear EWC
I am a 36-year old male who has begun a long distance relationship with a woman in Louisiana. Recently she has gone overseas to settle her father’s estate and it has created drama for me. First, she ran out of food in the home she is staying in, and she asked me for $250, which I sent. Then, she has asked me for $450 to send to her so she could get medicine for an illness she is suffering from, plus she is out of food again I hate knowing that I will always be the middleman when it comes to getting her inheritance, and it is putting a severe strain on me and my budget, because I am on a limited income and I still have to help my mom out. I brought up my concerns, and she made me feel guilty about feeling the way I do, saying that she no longer feels happy and safe being with me. We haven’t physically met since we began talking! She swears up and down that she is in the up and up, and to be patient, as my faith in her will be rewarded. I have yet to see actual proof of that faith. The worst part is, I have lost my bank account because she used me as the middleman to get some of her inheritance to her so she can pay the clearance. The money (which wasn’t mine) was sent back twice, as the bank considered the checks fraudulent. As a result, my bank account was closed, cutting off access to the only money I had. She has even shown me a picture of her father’s will, which states that for her to get her full inheritance, she has to be married within a year, which I agreed to do. The plan is to do so before the summer, but it is no longer looking possible. I’m scared that I am setting myself up for a huge fall. Am I foolish for believing that this could work?
Nick
We all do foolish things when we think we are in love. The first rule of meeting someone online is to believe less than half of what they say. The second rule is never agreed to send money until you have met them face-to-face a few times in order to get to know them — and their friends — better and get legal documentation you’ve had a professional check before sending any. But as I said, we all do crazy things when we are attracted to someone or have a crush on someone.
Having a crush overrides are brain. We want to believe that what they are telling us is true, so badly, that we ignore all the red flags waving in front of us warning us to stop.
I think this is what has happened to you. There’s no requirement that someone has to marry before receiving their inheritance, except in some movie plot. She has shown you absolutely zero legal documentation stating this. She is bleeding you dry financially. She is using you. How am I so sure? It is in this one sentence you wrote: “I brought up my concerns, and she made me feel guilty about feeling the way I do, saying that she no longer feels happy and safe being with me.” What a crock of bullsh*%t. The minute you tell her no more money and she discovers she can not make you feel guilty enough to change your mind and feel sorry for her, I guarantee you she will be gone. Her happiness and feeling safe with you, whom she’s never met, depends on you sending her money? What a second crock of bullsh*%t.
You have no idea how many other victims she’s scamming at the same time as she’s milking you. Hell, you’ve never met her so for all you know, she could be a man or working with a group of scammers. This type of person preys on lonely people whom they meet online. They presume you are online looking to make a connection and feel less lonely and feel wanted. So they already know you are emotionally vulnerable and emotionally available.
Please, block her from your social media. Have no more contact with her. Do not accept calls or texts from her. Do not let her DM you or Facetime you. Ignore her 100%. She is sucking you dry and you will be left penniless and heartbroken because I also guarantee you, the day you have no more money to send her, will be the day she vanishes altogether. Needing food, medicine, having illness and ‘waiting for an inheritance’ used to be the tools of the Nigerian Prince scammers. Now, thanks to the internet, they are the tools of scammers from all over the world. One of the oldest scams is the inheritance one. It’s the one she’s using. It’s older than you are. It’s simple: the Nigerian Prince is getting an inheritance but only after he can borrow money for court costs, or taxes to settle past debts or has to marry someone or whatever. The mark (that’s you) forks over the money based on the promise that you will get a share of the inheritance once everything is settled. Once you do so and never hear again from the prince.
You’re being fooled but that doesn’t mean you are a fool. You did something crazy because you do want to be in love. We all do from time to time. But now is the time to stop being fooled. Otherwise, you will become a fool. Cut her off. Forget her. You deserve a real girlfriend who loves you because you are worth it, not who uses you.
The third rule of online relationships is this: never let someone manipulate you. By making you feel guilty, that’s what she’s been doing. Stop right now. And for now on, practice the three rules of online relationships.
If anything I’ve suggested is confusing, let me know in a follow-up. And always feel welcome to contact EWC again whenever you are unsure of something and want to have someone else help you figure it out. It’s why we are here.
Letter #: 439959
Category: Dating/Relationship