I was bullied at my high school. Should I transfer to another school nearby?

Our elder has three guides to help our letter writer decide.

Dear EWC

I am a young teenage girl and I currently attend a local public high school. In the past years, I’ve been in high school, I’ve really been through the wringer. I’ve had some really bad friendships that left me feeling really terrible about myself as well as some minor issues at home. Well, anyway, recently I’ve been dealing with some bullying at school. It isn’t too serious, it’s just one person who keeps saying really mean and personal things about me behind my back, and as much as I try to pretend it doesn’t hurt, it does. I have a boyfriend and some distant friends who attend another local school nearby, and I’ve been considering transferring. Everything feels right; it’s just such a big change, and as much hurt as the people at my current school cause me, I still love them so much. I guess I’m just kind of afraid and overwhelmed by everything is all. Just looking for some peace of mind. Thank you for your time!

Excelsior replies

So sorry to hear you’re in this situation, but you’re on the right track toward peace of mind by considering a transfer to another high school. When a situation makes it impossible for us to live well, it’s time for change. Our job in life is to move away from negative people, places, and situations, and toward positive ones.

To know what’s best when making a decision, we have three sure guides: our thoughts, our feelings, and our gut intuition. Our thoughts and feelings have a debate for a while, and then we need to settle down and reflect calmly, leaving thoughts and feelings aside. Our intuition will begin to tap us on the shoulder on the choice to make and needs to be the guide that casts the final vote. From what you’ve written, your thoughts are saying that you’ve been through the wringer and that a change of high school could mean a new start. Your emotions are telling you that your choice of friends and the bullying make you feel terrible about yourself and hurt. Finally, your gut intuition tells you that everything about transferring feels right. Three out of three.

There’s one thing, though, that I’d like you to consider further: that you really love those at your current high school. While it’s natural to feel sentimental about those with whom we’ve shared a vulnerable time of life, especially if we’d also been classmates since grade school, nurturing and maintaining affectionate attachments to those who have hurt us intentionally is harmful to our best interests and welfare. Such persons don’t deserve a place in our lives and our value for ourselves tells us they are to be avoided and forgotten.

I hope you make the transfer, and when you do, to think of yourself as the heroine of your own life story. Think of the friends you’d want to have and determine that you’re well worth surrounding yourself with people you like and respect, and who feel the same about you. Your social life is in *your* hands, and being sincere and friendly is a winning combination to attract others to us. Good luck!

Letter #: 415596
Category: School