He loves me, but I just can’t see myself marrying him.

It sounds like you don’t really love him, says our elder. If you did, his height wouldn’t matter.

Dear EWC

Hi! I have been dating this guy for two years now. He is nice to me, he loves me so much. But my problem is our height. He is short. He is 33, while am 24. I don’t think he can give me the kind of life I need. He is not even ready yet for marriage. He is telling me that we should start saving. I just graduated, though my family is not that rich. I don’t want to get married to a short man because I will regret it if I do. I can’t leave him because he loves me genuinely. If I ever do that to him, I don’t think he will forgive me.

Tutu-Debbie replies

What I hear in your letter is that he loves you, but not whether you love him in the way you should if you were to marry. I don’t mean the kind of love where you love that he loves you — I mean the kind of love where you would love him even if he didn’t love you! There is a big difference.

The kind of love that I am talking about is the kind of love you have for him as a person, plus being “in love.” It sounds like you love having him be in love with you, but don’t see him as a life partner. That tells me you should probably look further for the kind of love you will want for a lifetime.

If you loved him the way I am describing, you wouldn’t care if he was short. When you are just comparing people, you obviously prefer taller men. That’s okay. But don’t lead this shorter man astray if your feelings aren’t like his. Someone else is out there waiting for you.
Good luck!

Letter #: 444003
Category: Dating/Relationship