My boyfriend suddenly said he stopped loving me. I’m pregnant!

How did he change his mind that fast? His temper is a red flag, says our elder. Move on — and focus on the baby.

Dear EWC

I’ve been with my BF for almost 10 months. We’re both 25. A few days ago, we got into an argument. It was small, but he ended up exploding and needed time to cool off. So we didn’t talk or text for two days. And then I called and asked how much more time he needed and said he’d text me the next day. I told him I expected an apology for the way he spoke to me. He was really rude when he exploded. And he said he wouldn’t be apologizing and it just turned into a bigger argument. He said he still loved me at this point, it’s relevant because of something he says later.

Later on, I got really sick — I’m pregnant. Almost eight weeks. I’ve had two miscarriages before so naturally, I panicked. I had a fever and some cramping. And I went to the hospital, I went by ambulance. I couldn’t drive in that much pain. They cleared me. And I needed a ride home. My roommate was out with her BF at some concert and never answered. So I ended up calling my BF but before I could ask him for a ride another argument happened, and he said he stopped loving me back on the day the argument happened. (Even though he said earlier he still loved me). And even said he didn’t care about our baby. I managed to tell him I needed a ride home and that’s why I had called. And he said he would give me a ride home. Which again, since he said he didn’t care about me and didn’t love me, why agree to give me a ride home? The hospital I was at least half an hour away from him. My roommate ended up calling right after we hung up and I had her pick me up instead. I just don’t understand how someone can flip a switch that fasts? How do you go from saying you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with that person to just change your mind?

KayKay replies

It’s hard to tell when he stopped loving you, but I imagine it came on gradually and you only found out about it when he exploded. The fact that he was speaking rudely to you definitely did not indicate loving behavior no matter what he said. When we love someone, we care about their happiness and don’t treat them horribly.
Not only his words but his behavior is telling you he doesn’t care. You are spending your time and energy trying to figure out his motives, which you have no control over when you need to be focusing on yourself and your well-being. Take care of yourself so you can give your baby a healthy start in life. You will have a lot of responsibilities if you have to be a single mom, so start planning a future that doesn’t depend on him. Even if he changed his mind and told you he still loved you, I don’t think you can trust him, nor would he be a good candidate for a long term partner to co-parent with, having a temper as he does. In a good, healthy, loving relationship, two people put their relationship in the middle between them, and both act in ways that preserve it, rather than focusing on their own selfish wants and needs. I don’t think he’s capable of doing this, do you?
Arguments can be avoided by using good communication skills. It takes two to tangle, so if one person refuses to engage in arguing, it won’t happen. Life is too short to waste it on arguments, especially where one person “explodes.” That’s not a sign of maturity or self-control at all. A red flag in any relationship.
I hope you can move on from his cold-hearted treatment of you and find a nurturing environment to raise your baby. Good luck.

Letter #: 449781
Category: Dating/Relationship