How can I stop worrying about my looks?

Your friends don’t believe you are ugly, says our elder. Remember, it’s what’s inside that counts.

Dear EWC

I feel ugly. My parents keep telling me I’m pretty, but people at my school keep telling me I’m ugly. I have friends and I asked them, “Am I ugly?” I knew they were going to say no, and they said no. But they’re just friends! And when I’m around guys I like, I never ever seem to talk. I just keep quiet. I always look down when I am walking because I think I look pretty that way. People don’t say I’m fat but always judge my looks. And people be putting their hands on me. I tried every way to look pretty. But I don’t feel like it. When I look into the mirror, I look hideous in my view. And I tell myself, “Why would anyone like me?” I try to pose to maybe find a good side of view. But when I do, it just looks like my nose is big. I wanted to know how can I stop worrying about my looks and pay attention to my behavior in life? And how do I look pretty? I know I was born this way and I can’t change how I look. But what should I say to people when they call me ugly in so many ways?

Treefrog replies

Not too long ago I was visiting with my grandnephews. One of them told me my “nose was big”. I laughed and said, “My nose isn’t big, my face is just too far back”. He had to think about that. Where did this 9-year-old nephew decide to make himself a judge of my face? Did it bother me? No, not really. God gave me this face, this body and, for better or worse, I have to accept and live with it. My face has absolutely nothing to do with who I am. My appearance doesn’t make me kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, likable, etc. It’s what is inside that counts and will count all my life.

Unfortunately, there are judges all around us on TV, on the Internet, in movies, our classmates, friends, etc. who have some crazy idea that they can decide what is beautiful and what is not. The problem is we tend to judge ourselves by the comments of others, we take it seriously and then lose our self-respect and sense of self-worth.
I’m a grandpa and totally understand the desire of women to tend to their appearance and there is nothing wrong with this at all! I encourage you to keep yourself as well-groomed as best you can in order to make yourself feel good about who you are, not to cater to what others think is beautiful. In all the billions and billions of people who ever lived, are living or will live there is no one like you! You are totally unique and of great value. Never forget that.

I think one of the most important things to do in life is to learn to love yourself, no matter if you have a funny nose, big ears, crossed eyes, whatever. You have to love what is inside and strive to make that beautiful. As you get to be my age a lot of things change. Wrinkles appear you get bags under your eyes, age spots pop up, things sag, etc. This will happen to everyone, even the most beautiful Hollywood star. But what doesn’t change is what’s inside, it can remain right up to the end of life and is something that will attract long-lasting good friends. Those who can’t see what you are inside cannot and should not be friends. The fact remains that while you can do everything possible to change your appearance the most important thing to work on is a great smile and twinkle in your eye.
If someone at school tells you that you are ugly, give them a big smile and ask them, “Who appointed you to be the judge?” and walk away. Your true friends don’t believe you are ugly… maybe they know who you really are!

Just love yourself for who you are and listen only to those you love and who love you. That’s all that counts in life! I know!
Please feel free to write back anytime, we’re always here!

Letter #: 437307
Category: Self-Improvement