My mom accused me of lying, and then she spied on me.

Stay calm, says our elder, and try to smooth things over. She might be upset about events that have nothing to do with you at all.

Dear EWC

Ever since my great aunt went to the hospital it has been a rocky road between me and my mom. Yesterday was really stressful. I took pictures outside for my photography class and was really excited to show them to her. Then when I showed her the pictures, she asked me why I was lying to her. I was confused at first but then I saw the dates. My camera date was a day behind so it got the wrong day when the pictures were uploaded to my phone. My mom started screaming at me because she thought I was lying. I called my friend whom I had been on the phone with while I was taking pictures to clarify that everything had happened today, and then I took a picture in front of her and downloaded it onto my phone in front of her to show her what had happened. After all of that, I didn’t even get an “I’m sorry” from her. She thought I was lying because she had asked me to let the dogs out and she thought I was trying to get out of it.

Then today she texted me while I was on the bus telling me that she wasn’t going to be home, but to let the dogs out again. So today, I got home just hanging out and doing random stuff. Then I let the dogs out but I didn’t go outside with them. I just watched them, or occasionally checked my phone. Then my mom comes out of her room and starts yelling at me. Turns out she was hiding in her room the whole time. Then she started yelling at me saying that she did it because she couldn’t trust me. Then she took my phone and left. I’m sorry if this sounds spoiled, but I think it’s a little bit of a problem that she did this. Do you know the feeling when you think you’re alone so you do whatever, and then you find out someone had been watching you and testing you the whole time? Because that is exactly how I felt and what my mother did to me.

Sense replies
Finding out that one has been spied upon, even by a family member, can be upsetting. I can understand how you feel and sympathize that you had such an experience with your mother. It has been a few days since you wrote and you may have your phone back by now (I hope so) and perhaps you have worked things out with your mother. If not, I recommend that you stay calm, and do a little extra around the house to show that you are responsible. For instance, take the dogs out right away when you get home and go out in the yard with them too.
It was not nice for your mother to tell you she wasn’t home when she was in her room, but it also was not nice that you dawdled around for awhile before attending to your dogs. Dogs can have accidents when they don’t go outdoors often enough, as you know, and they are part of your family and deserve your time and attention. Do it for the dogs’ sake, if not for your mother’s, and you will feel better about this and move on, away from your current embarrassment.

If there are other reasons why your mother may suspect you are not telling the truth at times to her, make sure that you convince her otherwise. You were right to show her that your camera’s date was a day behind, and if there are no other reasons why she feels she cannot trust you, I think she will forget about this incident soon, if she is at all reasonable. Perhaps she is upset by other events, such as your great aunt’s being in the hospital, since you mention that things have gone downhill between you and your mom since that happened. I hope your great aunt gets well soon since that may make everyone in the family feel better and get along better too!

Letter #: 454582
Category: Family