We’re still on good terms but I still get waves of sadness. How can I make it easier?

It’s natural to feel sad, says our elder. But it’s time to focus on the now and find new adventures.

Dear EWC

For a few years I had a bf whom I had given my heart to. Eventually he decided he didn’t want a relationship. I understood and agreed. We were still friends, roommates actually, and FWB whenever we felt the fancy. Well I had been doing really really well at controlling my emotions for him. I still love him but forcing him to love me is not what I want. I want it naturally. I did let him know I still had feelings and he’s okay with it but warned me. His mother recently offered him a place to stay, free of charge and he took her up on it. She lives six hours away from me. I don’t blame him at all. We packed him and his cat up and I drove him down. We had lived together for about five years now (with other roommates). I can still visit whenever I want, his mom loves me and he said I was welcome whenever as well. But every now and then throughout the day I just get these waves of sadness, like there is a pit in my stomach. I miss him and his cat so much, and they aren’t dead, they didn’t ban me so I don’t understand why? I was wondering if you have dealt with anything like this? I know I will overcome it but is there something to make it easier?

Angel replies

I am glad you wrote to us, but I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble getting over your last relationship. First of all, it might help you to know that this is very normal and almost everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. You have been together for many years, both as friends and as a boyfriend and girlfriend, so you have a lot of love and history together. It is only natural that you will miss him (and his cat too!)

One thing that often helps at this point is to work hard at getting out and meeting new people — maybe take a class, join a group, start up a new hobby, join a gym — there are many ways to meet people and that will help you be distracted and also will likely find you new friends to hang out with. Of course, you could also do online dating, which so many people do these days. But the point is to start making your life fun and exciting again, and the best way is to find people you like to be with.

You just never know where you might meet a new best friend or that “special someone”, so start exploring and make it an adventure! Life is short and you don’t want to waste time by dwelling on the past and what you don’t have, but focus on the now and go out and enjoy each day. Another idea is to start a gratitude journal, so you can write down things every day that you are thankful for — big or little things — and you will be amazed at how many you can think of and how fortunate you really are!

I will be thinking about you, \and will be wishing only the best for you, as you move forward. Remember that we are always here for you if you need us.

Letter #: 455840
Category: Dating/Relationship