I want to do a porch concert for my friend’s mom — but what if they say no? It’s a lovely idea, says our elder. Go for it!

Dear EWC

The mother of one of my friends was a wonderful influence over my life. She was kind and just terrific growing up but now she is getting dementia and I feel that there is little I can do but watch it happen. At any rate, I saw something in the news that was really nice. It was a segment of people in the nation giving little porch concerts to neighbors. That said, I play what is called a concertina which is like an accordion but it sounds more like a harmonica. Anyway, I am thinking about asking her children (who incidentally are my age) if it would be OK to give her a quarantine concert where she could open her front door and sit behind the glass in a chair while I sit outside of the house in a chair wearing a face mask of course and play my little concertina for her. However, I feel nervous to ask her children for two reasons. Firstly, because I have only played music for my husband but secondly because they could possibly say no. I am not sure why I feel so sensitive but I am worried about getting my feelings hurt. Anyway, what do you think?

JensPen replies

What a wonderful thoughtful person you are! I am so glad you have written for some advice about how to go about showing your love and gratitude to your friend’s mother. I think it is absolutely a wonderful idea to provide a little concert for her.

These are such stressful and unprecedented times that we live in and every little gesture of kindness that people can show to one another is in my opinion incredibly generous and caring. Don’t worry about a missed note here or there, it is the thought and the act that matter.

As for her children I cannot imagine why they wouldn’t welcome you to show such kindness to their mom. Are they aware of your warm feelings towards her and what a positive influence she was to you? If not this is the perfect time to tell them. Just speak from your heart and explain how you feel, just as you did in this letter.

As for getting your feelings hurt if for some reason they say no… think of the joy and happiness that they and their mom will miss out on if you don’t even ask. Go for it my friend! You are a gem and this family is so lucky to have you in their circle. I hope I have given you the confidence to move forward with this wonderful idea.

Good luck to you and please write and let me know how it goes.

Letter #: 458987
Category: Friendship