I got a scholarship to a great school but my parents wouldn’t let me go.

Take a deep breath and move on, says our elder.

Dear EWC

I have ADHD, and this ruins so many things for me. I work harder than anyone else and still fall behind. Recently I got accepted into one of the best schools. I worked so hard to get there. I studied for months and took a test I passed with flying colors. I got in on a scholarship and so did my sister. This school has top marks in everything and a 100 percent college acceptance rate. I was so happy when I got in. Finally, I was going to get somewhere. My sister didn’t want to go to the school so I was like, “OK, that is fine”. As long as I still got to go. Because people with ADHD, well we don’t get far in life and our opportunities are limited.

Then my parents tell me, “We don’t think you going to this school is the best choice for the family,” and, “Why are you upset it would have been too hard for you anyway”. And just like my one shot was gone. I am so upset. I worked so hard. They have kept from my opportunities for the last time. I am slow to anger but I draw the line when they ruin it then insult me. Not only that but then go to sign me up for another school behind my back. I equivocated for them for years! Kept my mouth shut! Now I have to work even harder! I don’t know what I am going to do!

Shorty replies

Thanks for trusting the Elders for advice.

I am so sorry to hear that your parents are not supporting your educational dreams and goals. I am also very disappointed that they couldn’t appreciate how hard you worked to reach your goal and how proud that must have made you feel. Certainly I don’t understand why, since you obtained a scholarship, they would object to you pursuing your education at that school; however, they apparently are sending you to a school they chose rather than denying you education. Just because your parents don’t see the same future now as you do is no reason to give up on yourself or your dream. You may just need to refocus on achieving it by a different path.

I completely understand that learning and school are not easy for everyone; my adult daughter has ADHD, and her impulsive behavior made it difficult for her in the classroom. However, many students have challenges that affect their ability to learn: some intellectual, some emotional, and some behavioral. To say that you won’t get far in life or do well because of your ADHD is selling yourself short and using this somewhat as an excuse. Perhaps your parents’ lack of empathy about your goals is because that is how they interpret your disorder but it doesn’t have to define you. Yes, it may take you more work and time to do what another student might breeze through, but if you know yourself well and anticipate what it will take, there is no reason at all that you cannot be successful in any career of your choice (must like how well you did on the entrance test). There are many famous, successful people who have had the same challenge as you (look them up) — it is a matter of determination and sometimes stamina to get to your goals.

It is entirely understandable that you are angry with your parents’ decision, but I hope that this turn of events will energize you to prove them wrong. Staying angry will only limit what you can do for yourself. You do not have to accept their limited view of what you can be — you can still love them for who they are while you believe in yourself and aim for a totally different life ahead. Talk to the counselors and teachers in your new school and let them know what you hope to achieve for college and beyond. Ask for their support and I think you will find it. You can still make you way into college — it’s really up to you how far you go.

Take a deep breath and move on to prepare for your journey. You can overcome your disappointment and do this. I have every faith that you will find success, and sincerely hope that you will be proud of your efforts and heart. Take care!

Letter #: 460253
Category: Family