You’re wise to know there’s no romantic future, says our elder.

But here’s how to keep the friendship going.

Dear EWC:

Hi. I am a girl in love with my gay friend. I’ve been friends with this person for months. He just came out recently and I was one of the people who knew about him being gay before he even came out. We talk to each other everyday. We talk about the most random things. Updating each other on our lives. But mostly we talk about boys. Haha.

I still ended up getting attached and falling for him. I know that I don’t have a chance. I know he will never like me in a romantic way but I still have strong feelings for him. Right now, we don’t see each other anymore and won’t be seeing each other cause I changed residences. I’ve been trying to move on and erase my feelings for him but it’s just hard, especially when he talks to me everyday. My other friends tell me that I should stop talking to him so I can finally move on. I try to not respond to his messages anymore or if I do I reply as brief and as cold as possible.

Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, I’m feeling guilty cause I keep thinking that it’s not even his fault that I like him and he can’t like me back and he doesn’t deserve this treatment. What should I do? Anyway, all he knows is I used to have a crush on him and not that I still have feelings for him. Hope I can get some advice. Thank you!

Hildegard replies:

First of all, you’re wise to know there is no romantic future with your gay friend. Sometimes people think they can change a gay person and that’s not the case. You clearly have a lot in common with this guy and it would be a shame if the two of you did not remain friends.

As time goes by, you will be less infatuated with this person and you will find another boyfriend who is straight. Your big challenge will be to remain close friends with this original guy without letting your romantic feelings get in the way and ruin the whole relationship. You can try talking with him frankly, telling him you have had feelings for him in the past and that you want to remain friends with him. But it will be up to you to relate to him as a friend. That means no flirting or thinking about him as a boyfriend.

He probably wonders why you are treating him coldly since he came out. This is not fair to him. He didn’t do anything wrong. I think you should continue to be his long distance friend and try to get over your romantic feelings.

Letter #: 422078
Category: Friendship