You deserve better, says our elder. But you need to believe that.

Dear EWC:

Hi! I have an issue. I’m in love with this guy but everyone tells me he’s toxic. He’s left me for the same girl twice but they’ve finally broken up. And he’s single. I couldn’t help it. I was so excited! He keeps coming back for me to get really close, but what if he finds someone else.

So far that hasn’t happened and we actually got really close again. We’ve been cuddling and hugging and sometimes even getting close to kissing. I keep saying that I’m going to drop him but no matter what he does, all he has to do is smile and then I’m hooked. Again. I keep getting hurt and I don’t want to get hurt anymore but I love him and I can’t help it.

I don’t know what I should do with this because he makes me feel so good and then I get hurt right after. What do I do?

Good-Listener replies:

I understand what you’re saying about that toxic guy “feeling…” because most of us have been there at one time or another in our lives. Here’s the thing. You have a choice to make. He has repeatedly shown you who he is. Things are going well right now, but you’ve been down that road numerous times with him, and, to be honest, there’s no reason to think it won’t happen again. Most likely you will get hurt….yet another time. You deserve better. And you deserve to be with a guy who makes you his priority.

However, you need to believe that. No judgments here, just brutal honesty needed on your part. You can continue to do what you’re doing, going back and forth, being disappointed, and heartbroken, or you can put a halt to it, tell him good-bye, and look for a guy who is available and who will treat you with dignity and respect—something the current man is not doing.

Some women are so worried about being alone that they will put up with all sorts of bad behavior (even abuse) in order not to be single. If that’s your decision then understand what will go on and accept it. But if you believe you deserve more, then you will act and cut him out of your life. In the end, you’ll do what’s right for you. Good luck.

Letter #: 455368
Category: Dating/Relationship