Forced to choose between the one you love and your own happiness?

Our elder says “stand up for yourself!” It’s time to put you first.

Dear EWC:

I’ve currently been with my boyfriend for over four years; we met at 15. We come from very different homes. My family is high middle class, very respectful people who are family-orientated. His family is lower class and very controlling when it comes to family. They are always manipulating members to do things at whatever the cost may be.
For four years now I’ve been bullied, I’ve been called derogatory words, they have gotten in my face, yelling at me, and they constantly make me cry. They are always taking him away so when he is home, he can’t see me. They use him for his money and time and since we live together they are mad that i’m with him more.

I love him so much, but after four years of being bullied, I don’t think I can take it much longer. They are constantly making me cry and feel horrible about myself. I want to stay with him but I can’t handle the way his family treats me. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get over it.

Grammy-Lin replies:

I’m sorry you are in such a terrible situation. You didn’t say why you are living with your boyfriend’s family at the age of 19. Is your own family unable to take care of you for some reason? It sounds like a horrible living situation for you.

Life is full of choices. No one has the right to bully you or mistreat you. But you also have to stand up for yourself and have the courage to make changes in order to improve your life. Just staying in the same situation and hoping it will change doesn’t work. Are you willing to break up with this boyfriend in order to have a happier and safer life? If not, you can only count on a future that looks like more of the same.

Sometimes we think we love someone so much that we can’t live without him. Since you’ve known this boy since you were only 15, you might think he is your only choice. But this is not true, my friend. There are many young men out there who would love and respect you. They would certainly not want you to live in a terrible situation like this.
Please investigate other living conditions immediately, even if it means ending this unhealthy relationship with the boyfriend. Go back to your own family if that’s possible, or perhaps get a roommate to share expenses with you. There are lots of possibilities. Please do not accept a life of being bullied and mistreated. You deserve better than that.

Dating/Relationship
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