With no job and a crowded house, our elder admits that’s understandable.
But not helpful. Here’s how to rethink your situation.
Dear EWC:
I am an 18 yr old female. I am currently living at my grandma’s house with my siblings and my mom (we got evicted a year back). My boyfriend recently moved in because he got kicked out. My grandma’s house has two rooms; my mom shares a room with my brother and sister and I sleep on the living floor with my boyfriend. My grandma’s boyfriend(bf) lives here as well, but he is constantly starting arguments and “talks” where it gets pretty bad. I know we are not welcome anymore.
I honestly feel that it’s all my fault. I believe I am stressed and depressed which is really embarrassing, and my family says that depression is all in someone’s head, I do not know what to do anymore. I honestly don’t want to be here or anywhere.
My mom uses my car to drive my siblings to school and right after she goes to work, I do not have a job nor transportation to get to one, therefore I am worthless. My boyfriend’s mom wants us (him) to move back–which is 8 hrs from my family–and get over to where his mom lives.
I’m stuck. Confused. Lost. I want to help my mom move out as well as my siblings. We do not deserve to live in the environment we’re in.
PicklesMarie replies:
Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to live where you can live. Right now you and your mother and siblings can live with your grandma and her boyfriend. This, I understand, is less than ideal. Less than ideal; necessary for the time being in my humble opinion.
You feel stuck. Confused. Lost. And it might be, that for this time you are. Let me try to get you to look at this differently. It might help you find the wherewithal to help yourself and your family in a better way. (I can only hope!)
You feel stuck, confused, lost. Okay, those feelings are not helpful since they don’t help you find any solution.
Being stressed and feeling depressed is usual and normal in such a situation. Your mental health, though challenged, maybe quite okay.
First of all the fact, you don’t have a job does NOT make you worthless. Stop letting that thought bop around in your head! The thought that this is all your fault is, no doubt, a false thought too. Stop letting that thought bop around in your head! It may be you are entertaining self-defeating ‘woe is me’ thoughts. It may be time to get busy doing what you can do. I do realize you are limited, but seldom are we totally trapped.
Could you, possibly, go with your mother and look for jobs that might sort of match up with her work schedule? Or, alternatively, could you look for jobs in the neighborhood where you live? Even being a nanny or a housekeeper could bring in some good money. Or could you take public transportation of some sort to get to work? You could explore which jobs can be reached by using public transportation and apply to those jobs.
As for your boyfriend, his mom wants him to move back. That might be for the best since your family cannot afford to ‘keep’ him for the time being. Every person is an expense and your family does not have the space for him for the time being. He’s using resources your family can’t afford. You may love him, but, this is an impossible situation for all of you and you can’t expect the family to keep your boyfriend… They can’t take care of themselves.
You and your mom and siblings don’t deserve to live where you are, but you are quite stuck there by circumstances. Moving out is not an option right now. Thinking in terms of moving when you really can’t do that can leave you feeling stuck, confused, and lost. Think differently.
I know this is a difficult situation, but, the way you think about it may be making it worse. Try to think about this differently.
This probably isn’t what you hoped to hear. It may be what you needed to hear however. I hope I’ve made some sense. Don’t be afraid to write back.
Other
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