When it comes to trust, do you believe your BF or his ex?
Don’t let fear take control, says our elder. Believe in yourself and your relationship.
Dear EWC:
Thank you for helping me first of all, but here’s my problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months currently. Everything had been fine except the problem with his ex. His ex absolutely hates him; she really wants to ruin his life since he broke up with her (it was because they were in a 3 year relationship).
Well ever since I’ve been with him, she wants to break us up. A few months back she dm’d me and said that he was cheating on me and sent screenshots of ‘him’. When I comforted him, he showed me his messages and there was nothing, and you cannot delete messages from Instagram so I knew it was legit. So I had no problem. Then just recently she sent me these messages from Snap, sending me messages from ‘him’ from a different account with a previous date. I know she has access to his social media and I don’t trust her at all.
But I have trust issues from a previous relationship and I don’t know what to trust. All my boyfriend is telling me is to trust and believe that it’s not him, while his ex has ‘proof’ and I know from friends that she wants us to break up so bad. What should I do! I don’t trust him or her anymore!
Here4U replies:
I believe that the only one whose trust should be in question would be your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.
She has done this to you before and you found out that what she was saying was untrue. She has the motive for making it up, as she wants to break you two up. Has your boyfriend given any reasons for you to believe that he is cheating on you or that he lies to you?
I also do not believe that it is fair for one to blame their trust issues from past relationships on a current boyfriend, as he has nothing to do with that. If they are interfering with your relationship, then I would suggest that you work on regaining your trust…
I have to wonder why you would give his ex the pleasure of breaking you two up or even having you distrust your boyfriend, as that is probably exactly what she wants. You said that she hates him, but I think she possibly wants you out of the picture because she wants to try to get back with him. I do not believe that an ex would go to this much trouble unless that was her motive.
By reading her messages and responding I believe that you are allowing her to have control in your relationship. She is winning right now, as she has been able to make you question your boyfriend’s loyalty to you. I do not believe that a vindictive ex should be involved in your current relationship.
I believe that you need to disengage with her. I would suggest that you block her on all social media so that she can no longer send you these messages and you cannot be tempted to read them. It probably makes her feel as if she is accomplishing her mission to break you two up when she is able to make you react to her messages. I believe that you need to let her know that you do not believe her and that you are not interested in hearing about your boyfriend from her and I think the only way you can accomplish this is to not have any contact with her.
I would suggest that after you block her you let your boyfriend know that you have done so as I believe this gesture will bring you two closer together. It will let him know that you two are together on the same side and that he is the one that you trust. As a couple you should want to feel like a team.
In my opinion, if you allow this to continue as it is it could have a very negative affect on your relationship I also believe that if you continue to confront your boyfriend every time that you hear something from her he could grow very tired of the accusations. He has asked you to trust him and I believe that is what you should do. Whose word is more valuable to you, hers or his?
I believe that the only reason that you should distrust him would be if he were behaving in a suspicious way. Does he hide his phone from you so that you cannot read his messages or emails? Does he go places without telling you where he went or who he was with? Those would be reasons to arouse your suspicions, however you have not mentioned anything in regards to him doing this.
No one likes to be distrusted by their partner without any reason. I believe that most boyfriends would want their girlfriend to take their side and to believe them, especially over an ex.
I wish you only a trusting and happy relationship.
Dating/Relationship
#460554