Don’t we all have those days when we’d like to be stronger, smarter, funnier, or more attractive?
Our elder admits it’s easy to “wish” but you’ve got to do the work to make it happen.
Dear EWC:
I’m having a very hard time accepting myself for who I am. It seems I would much rather be someone who is more witty, brilliant and physically attractive. If a female seems to look down on me or doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say I start feeling worthless.
I figure if I were someone like Aristotle or Bruce Lee, I would have a very positive attitude. It wouldn’t matter who didn’t like me, because at least I’d know more than everyone and I could defeat anyone in an argument. I would also be able to defeat anyone in a fight who tries to bully me or push me around. I always feel a kind of sickness when I hear others talk about these two legends. In a way, I get jealous and start to think less of myself. I wish I could be the same caliber as them. I wish I could find my own uniqueness and figure out what I can do that no one else can.
My main goal is to feel as equal and worthy as anyone else on the planet in some way. In the past, I would usually feel better about myself if an attractive person would give me attention. I also believed I would like myself more if I had a girlfriend. Ultimately, I’d like to love and respect myself for who I am and not give a rat’s ass what the haters think of me.
Beacons-of-Light replies:
It is very normal to feel envious or jealous of people who we think are better looking, stronger or smarter than we are but it isn’t normal for it to dominate our thoughts. Having role models is a positive way to want to better ourselves but we think it would be more beneficial for you to find some real-life role models who you aspire to be like and not historical figures or famous people.
Remember that actions speak louder than words so if you want to be stronger, work out at the gym or take self-defense or martial arts classes. If you want to be witty, sign up for classes at your local college and study things that you find interesting. If you want to be more attractive, make sure you are taking care of your personal hygiene, dress appropriately for the occasion(s), and always wear a smile. Attraction can be a really strange thing and we never know what we are going to find attractive in another person but what we can tell you is that personality beats outlooks in the long run every time!
Please do not allow others to determine your self-worth! One of our members quoted a saying that their father used to say: “You’re not better than anyone else but no ones better than you.” We all agree that is a very simple, yet profound sentence. We applaud your last sentiment in your letter that recognizes that you need to love and respect yourself (before anyone else can) and not worry about what other people think. When you find yourself wishing you were a better person or different person, stop that train of thought and retrain your brain to use positive self-talk and remind yourself of all your positive qualities.
You are absolutely right; you do DESERVE to love and respect yourself, but you can’t expect anyone else to unless you do first! Make a list of things that you do like about yourself and what you wish you could change, and then pick the ones that you can realistically work to improve upon and those that you need to learn to accept. Wishing you the best of luck now and in the future!
Self-Improvement
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